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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220267">The F*cking Airport Girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyWritesStuff/pseuds/EmilyWritesStuff'>EmilyWritesStuff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Airports, Alternate Universe, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:55:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyWritesStuff/pseuds/EmilyWritesStuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Toni finally picked up the courage to head back to see her old college roommates for Christmas. It was meant to be a breezy ride until she met that obscenely annoying girl at the airport. The girl who just so happened to be sat next to her, and who happened to be heading to the exact same place she was. God, Toni Shalifoe had some shit karma.</p><p>The question was who the fuck was Shelby Goodkind?</p><p>An airport AU, I'm still updating my college fics but wanted to do something short, fun and angsty, this will end up around 30k</p><p>All characters in this are aged 24+</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>838</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, I'm writing more The Wilds fics. The characters are a breeze to work with and I need something to do with my insomnia so HI. Stay rad guys, enjoy the fic, I update every other day.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Toni dragged her suitcase along the speckled airport floor. She was not one for flights. Though she would never admit it, she had feared the mode of travel since her childhood after a close call and an emergency landing, ironically during the only holiday her mother ever took her on, at five years of age. Since then everything about planes had given Toni a gut-clenching feeling she refused to name as anxiety, instead opting for the reasoning planes simply gave her the heebie-jeebies; as if she was doomed to one day crash on a deserted island.</p><p>Since her mother's reoccurring drug habit came about, she had bounced around from home to home, scraping through college and getting a degree that she was incredibly fucking proud of. No Shalifoe held a degree and yet here she was, a degree in psychology and working for an LGBT+ therapy and mental care company; fairly high up on the chain. The pay was great and it was a job she loved; weirdly things were going well for the girl… at least on the work front. </p><p>Things were perhaps going too well. </p><p>She dropped her bag and sat in a chair as far away from the other commuters as humanly possible- people were irritating and unless she needed to converse she opted to avoid it- falling into the hardened shell that was Toni’s bubble.</p><p>Checking her watch she huffed, of course, the single time she opted to leave early the traffic was bare and she had made it to the New York airport (JFK) in forty minutes, leaving her an hour of solid pain before the flight. </p><p>Toni didn’t like to be early, preferring to be late if anything, that way people knew straight away that she held little care for them and immediately lowered any expectations they had for her. Being early was obscure, making her feel overly reliant, and if there was one thing the girl was not, it was reliant; in any shape or form. </p><p>Her boot kicked up on the chair opposite, the snow coating the seat as chunks dropped from her soles. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, can I mind ya for a seat?”</p><p>Pulling her headphones off she stared at the girl. She was blonde with long hair tightly pulled into a ponytail, framing her greenish eyes. She wore a crop top and tight-fitting high waist pants. Toni cast an eye down to her own sweats and wondered how the girl could travel so uncomfortably. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>Shaking her head she dropped her shoes. </p><p>“Sorry, what did you want?” Her voice was husky, being pulled from the slight realm of sleep she was so hankering to drift to. </p><p>“Can I take that seat?” </p><p>She gawked at the girl, momentarily taken aback by the twang of her accent. The entire lounge was mostly bare, why the fuck did she need to sit here?</p><p>“There’s plenty of other seats Barbie.” </p><p>The blonde's mouth dropped and she relished in the fact she was so easy to piss off. </p><p>
  <em>Dear God, please let her fucking leave. </em>
</p><p>“I need that seat, or else I wouldn’t be asking?” </p><p>Sitting up straighter, Toni tugged at the sleeves of her denim jacket, far too uncomfortable with the girls in your face proximity. <em>Fuck why don’t southerners have manners?</em></p><p>“Why the fuck do you need this exact seat? There are literally dozens of others blondie.” </p><p>“My name is Shelby.”</p><p>“I don’t see what that has to do with anyth-”</p><p>“My name is Shelby. Not blondie, not Barbie, <strong>S-H-E-L-B-Y.</strong>”</p><p>
  <em>Jeez who pissed in her bed?</em>
</p><p>“Okay Bring It On why do you want the fucking seat?”</p><p>“What the heck are you on about now?”</p><p>“Bring It On, as in the movie for overly peppy cheerleaders.” Toni smiled, smug. She could land a good reference, even for chick flicks. </p><p>“Gosh, you’re such a delight aren’t ya?” Toni scoffed loudly. “Can I just have the dang seat? Please?”</p><p>“Why the hell do you need it?” She massaged her temple, how the hell were they still going around in circles?</p><p>“It’s the only one with a plug point by it! I need to charge my phone its not like I wanna be sittin’ anywhere near you.” </p><p>Dragging her bag across she motioned to the seat waiting for the girl to sit and her face to drop as the snow from the brunette's shoes leaked through her jeans. Smiling contently she waited for the glare that sure enough hit her a minute later, the girl taking off her jacket, presumably to tie around her waist. </p><p>“Comfy there?”</p><p>“Gosh, why the heck are you so dang annoyin’?”</p><p>“Whatever colonizer.”</p><p>“What did you say?”</p><p>“Just charge your damn phone Cindy Lou Who.” She lifted her headphones back onto her ears before she could reply, simply pointing to them and shaking her head as the girl's lips moved aggressively, probably shouting some obscene god language like you heckin’ turkey leg, or something as equally southern. Closing her eyes she turned up the Royal Blood track to full volume, she could drown her out for the hour. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Sadly, that was not what the Gods or higher powers had planned for Toni today. She must have had some bad fucking karma. </p><p>A hand hit her knee and she was ready to hit the girl before her eyes opened to brown curls and- </p><p>“Toni?”</p><p>“Regan?” </p><p>She shuffled to sit up, wondering if there was any hell hole in this place she could crawl into and just be left the fuck alone. </p><p>“Hey! What are you doing here?” </p><p>God, why did she feel the need to say hello? Toni and Regan’s past relationship was far from cordial, she had most definitely shat on any of the friendship they had left when Toni caught her in bed with another fucking girl, <em>their bed, their apartment</em>. This is why Toni didn't let people in. People sucked. </p><p>“Regan, can we not do whatever the fuck this is?” </p><p>The girl tensed, face dropping before arms wrapped around her waist and Toni swallowed because it was that girl. That fucking girl with hazel eyes who she found that night. </p><p>“Toni.”</p><p>“Cunt.” Toni smiled up at her, ignoring the gasp from the blonde who was still apparently charging her phone. </p><p>“There’s no need to be such a friggin’ bitch Toni.”</p><p>“Just get the fuck out of my space. I don’t know, there’s a McDonald’s right over there you can probably fuck in, if you wait five minutes I can walk in on you and revive the light that is your relationship.”</p><p>Regan pulled the girl away. “Such a fucking bitch.” She heard the words as they carried into the distance. Fuck her life. </p><p>“Why are you so dang rude?” </p><p>
  <em>Of course, the fucking peppy blonde had to pipe the fuck up on this. </em>
</p><p>“Right Stepford Wife, why don’t you just sit in your seat, I’ll stay the fuck in mine and we can act like each other doesn’t exist?”</p><p>“Oh, that’s a good one. A murdering robot? Really getting in your reference's aren’t ya there. You know my ex-boyfriend used to tell me I kinda’ looked like Nicole Kidman.”</p><p>“You look literally nothing like fucking Nicole Kidman. Perhaps John Travolta, the old one with the freaky hairline, not the young one.”</p><p>“Such a fricken ass.” The girl checked her phone seemingly deciding she didn’t have quite enough charge to escape yet. </p><p>“You know I never asked you to sit here or talk to me right? Celine Dion.”</p><p>“My name is Shelby!” The girl cracked loud enough half the airport now probably knew what her name was. </p><p>“Chill Kate Hudson.” Toni smiled, watching the pretty girl crack like porcelain, god she hated girls like that.</p><p> </p><p>Silence, they managed silence for a whopping five minutes before the girl began to sing like the airport was some fucking concert hall, and holy fucking shit she was singing church songs like a walkin’ talkin’ gospel choir. </p><p>“Can you please, shut the fuck up.” </p><p>“What is your problem?” The girl dropped her phone to stare at her. God, she had nice eyes. </p><p>“My problem is your stupid Jesus show tunes.” </p><p>“Songs of God are cleansing, and right now, I’m a little stressed.” </p><p>“Then move.”</p><p>“I can’t!” She thrust her phone into Toni’s face, showing her apparently that she needed more battery. </p><p>“Then please just shut the fuck up.” Toni massaged her temple, the fucking girl was beginning to give her a migraine. </p><p>“You could sing with me, Lord knows your mind could do with a good… scrub.” She smiled in a way that made Toni’s insides turn. The way that said I’m better than you and you’re not enough. The way she had spent most of her life receiving smiles, ones that put her down or belittled her. Ones Toni Shalifoe could not stand. </p><p>“Fuck off.” Toni rose, leaving her shit behind as she headed to the shops opposite them.</p><p>“Where are you goin’?” Then a pause. “Your stuff?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She returned with two coffees and a bag of Taki’s.</p><p>“You got me a drink?” </p><p>“No colonizer, not everything is fucking yours. I wanted two coffees.” </p><p>“Oh.” She crossed her legs looking vaguely dejected. </p><p>
  <em>Why the hell would she get a drink for some asshole she doesn’t even know? </em>
</p><p><br/>
She managed to eat in peace, barely. </p><p>“Can I borrow a charger I think mines kinda’ dead?”</p><p>“No.” She sipped on her second coffee, feeling the buzz giving her a certain amount of will to deal with the devil. </p><p>“Please? I wouldn’t ask unless I needed to, Lord knows you’re quite the wall.”</p><p>“God southerners and their fucking borders.” She rolled her eyes, reaching into her back through her clothes and pulling out the wire. </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Toni plugged it in, then put the wire inside her own phone, watching the blonde boil beside her. </p><p>“Why are you such a fricken ass?”</p><p>“Chill Jojo Siwa, I need to charge my fucking phone too. After I’m done you can use it.” </p><p>And Toni obliged as she said she would, ten minutes later moving the charger into the other girl's phone. </p><p>“Why do you look like your dog died?” </p><p>Shelby fixed her hair, momentarily rolling her eyes. “Because my week fricken sucked and now the devil is testing me with you!” </p><p>“I’ll have you know I am actually the devil.” She crossed her legs, smiling smugly. “And you’re failing that test.” Toni deadpanned.</p><p>“God I hate you people.” </p><p><em>You people</em>. The words sat in Toni’s mind, having heard them hundreds of fucking times before. You people. The nerve on this blonde bimbo. She pondered if it was a dig at her heritage or her being gay. </p><p>The girl shifted her hands as far away from Toni as possible. </p><p>It was definitely a gay dig. “Wow, you people huh? Real fuckin’ classy.”</p><p>“I meant because,”</p><p>“I know what you meant Joan Rivers.” She packed her charger back into her bag, pulling her headphones on as she walked to find her gate. </p><p>God something really had to come and shit on her day huh?</p><p>She couldn’t fucking wait to get to Dot’s and tell her about that asshole.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Lobster Salad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Girl Blunt by Leikeli47</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Praying for snow to make the U.K. lockdown vaguely more interesting. Hope you guys are well, enjoy another chapter ma dudes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Toni tried not to think about the sound the plane made as people boarded. The slight creaks, the slamming of overhead luggage as people tried to claim their space, chairs buckling slightly under the added weight. Though she couldn’t tell you who designed planes she could tell you it was a fucking mistake. People weren’t made to fly, let alone in huge winged metal tubes with so much weight take-off should not have been possible. So as a small suitcase slammed into the overhead space above her she flinched.</p><p>“Lord, you have got to be fricken kiddin’ me.” </p><p>Oh karma, you crafty little shit. “Fuck my life.”</p><p>The girl sat beside her, wriggling in her seat in an obvious state of discomfort.</p><p>“Please stop moving Taylor Swift.” </p><p>She froze then turned to face the brunette, the pale face only inches from hers. She could smell the vanilla of her lip gloss and some perfume that smelt so damn good Toni hastened to think of how bloody much it cost. It wasn’t like she didn’t have money; in fact, Toni’s position paid incredibly well, but she was raised in a house where owning a toothbrush was considered a luxury, and now even though she had money, it mostly sat in her account, fearing for dark days to return. She sure as hell wouldn’t blow it on expensive perfume. No, Toni wore the $20 shit by Britney Spears (that actually smelt fucking amazing and no she would never admit she owned fucking Britney perfume.)</p><p>“Can you please for the love of God just use my name?” She pulled the tray down and placed her phone on it. “Its-”</p><p>“Shelby.” They said unanimously. </p><p>“I know, I just literally do not give a shit blondie.”</p><p>“You’ve used that one before.”</p><p>“Oh fuck me with a sledgehammer. Dear fucking god.” She mumbled under angered breaths.</p><p>“You have quite the potty mouth don’t ya?” </p><p>“You have quite the Jesus spiel, why don’t you leave me the hell alone Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat?” </p><p>“Oh, original.” </p><p>She pulled on her headphones, letting the tones of heavy rap distract her from both the blonde and the fact soon this metal bird thing would be airborne. Why didn’t she just fucking drive? Yes it would be one hell of a commute but it would be far less painful than this, and at least she wouldn’t be up there defying fucking gravity. </p><p>A hand hit her shoulder and she eyed the girl beside her. </p><p>“You uh, you need to put your belt on. Take off.” </p><p>Ignoring the tingle that ran down her spine at the momentary contact she belted up and pulled her headphones off, ignoring the nausea that started to pool in her stomach. </p><p>“You okay there, you’re lookin’ awfully pale?” </p><p>She closed her eyes, blocking out the god awful company, hearing the ding of the belt light above. Her hand clenched and she breathed in through her nose. <em>Fuck she hated planes</em>. The smell of sweat and the sickly mix of Shelby’s perfume raided her senses, twisting a dagger into her gut as she focussed on just not throwing the hell up. </p><p>The air stuards went through the exits before her as if she hadn’t seen the fucking doors. </p><p>“Your exits are here.” A motion. “Here.” <em>Another stupid motion</em>. “And here.” </p><p><em>No shit. The exits were the doors marked ‘exit’.</em> She highly doubted she’d be wanting to use them after takeoff anyhow, though plummeting to the earth did hold its own appeal; she’d be rid of Shelby. </p><p>As the plane took off Toni tightened her grip, closing her eyes harshly as she tried to drown everything out, pretending she was anywhere but here. Maybe back in the cabin with Martha when they were young when Martha still liked to baby Toni, which honestly she actually enjoyed. The intense care of the girl who had become her nonblood sister, hounding her for her whereabouts or chastising her when she lost it at a teacher; reminding her she just needed to bide her time and soon she would be free. Yet here she was trapped next to…<em>roses, that’s what the girl smelt like. </em></p><p>“You can let go of my leg now we’re in the air.”</p><p>The voice was soft, oddly less haunted by the normal twang, and fuck Toni’s hand was gripping Shelby’s leg with such strength like she was trying to save a newborn baby from falling off a cliff face.</p><p>“Shit, sorry.”</p><p>“Wow did you just apologize? Fear gives you manners huh?” </p><p>Toni swallowed. She was not in fear. “Fuck off.” </p><p>“And now we’re back to the normal trash mouth.” </p><p>Toni let her head thud on the seat in front of her, the cool of the plastic backing hitting her forehead. This flight could not be over quick enough, she just wanted to be wrapped up in sheets at Dot’s house binging shitty films with a bucket of popcorn as Dot tried to throw it into her mouth, usually resulting in a floor worth of popcorn the dog would hoover up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
“Why are you shifting around like that?” </p><p>The blonde tugged at her seatbelt. “Not that it’s any of your business but I need to pee.” </p><p>She smothered a laugh at the sight of the blonde wrestling with her belt like some five year old trapped in a car seat. She continued to fuss like the belt was some kind of Rubik’s cube she just couldn’t work out and it began to grate on the brunette bit by bit.</p><p>“Here,” Toni leaned over, pressing the belt open. </p><p>“You don’t need to-”</p><p>“Oh get over it my hands didn’t even touch you.” </p><p>Shelby stood, smoothing down her trousers. “I don’t need those hands anywhere near me.” Followed by a pageant smile.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, definitely a homophobe. </em>
</p><p>The girl shuffled off to the toilet, walking into at least three people on the way. Toni found it reassuring; suddenly, she didn’t feel like the biggest mess on this plane. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
“Mam, would you like to order?” </p><p>Toni removed her head from the menu. “Could I just get the lobster salad?” It was overpriced as hell but fuck it sounded good and she deserved a treat after this ring of hell. </p><p>“Sorry, you can’t get that. Is there something else you’d like?” Shelby smiled and she was so utterly confused that she didn’t register the fact her mouth was agape.</p><p>“Mam?”</p><p>“Legally blonde, why the fuck can’t I get the salad?” </p><p>“I have a shellfish allergy.”</p><p>
  <em>Of fucking course. </em>
</p><p>“I’ll get the ham sandwich please.” Toni pondered. “Unless you’re a vegan too? I could totally just go with a coke if that suits you?” </p><p>The blonde sunk in her seat slightly and she felt bad. This is one of those things she should probably just let go of. “Ham sandwich and coke please.” There were nicer things, a lasagne, sushi, all of which she had no idea if she could order. A ham sandwich seemed like a safe go to and a way to end this interaction as soon as humanly possible.<br/>
 <br/>
“Okay Mam, I’ll have a talk to the staff we’ll put a hold on the salads today. We hadn’t been notified of any in-flight allergens.” </p><p>Shelby was slightly pink in the face now, mildly mortified. “Sorry, I forgot to call ahead.”</p><p>“No worries, Mam.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Toni stared at her bleak looking ham sandwich as the smell of the heavenly lasagne filled her nose because of course; that’s what Shelby went on to order. The two drab bits of bread held what she was told was ham; but what her mind doubted contained anything meat like at all, the substance smelling kind of like play-dough. She had eaten some rough shit in her lifetime but this? This was some next level Survivor bullshit. </p><p>“Are you just gonna stare at it lookin’ all mad?” The girl poked a spoonful of the pasta into her mouth. </p><p>“I was actually summing up whether to jump out the window or not.” </p><p>Laughter rose from the seat beside her. “As much of an asshole as you are, I think you still probably shouldn’t do that. Might damage the plane on your way out.”</p><p>“Fuck off.” She swiped her finger, running through the mass of photos on her phone. Photos of Dot, Leah, Martha, Fatin, and Rachel. Continuing to soak in image after image, reminding herself just why this stupid plane was worth it. It was worth it because she would be home again; whilst she had a great job it was isolating and lonesome. Toni rarely dated, opting for one night stands because everyone just seemed to leave anyway, or fuck her over. At night she would nurse a beer alone as she hadn’t bothered to make friends out there, no, no one could replace her old roommates she left at home.</p><p>“So you flyin’ home to see your parents for Christmas?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Oh.” The blonde's face dropped. “Just regular family then, siblings?” </p><p>She let out a bitter laugh and sipped her coke. “Nope no fucking family. Just going to see friends. What about you? Flyin’ home to see daddy and mommy?” She put on a slight southern accent to really home in on the fact she was being sarcastic and had no interest in her answer at all. </p><p>“Nope, not seeing them. Heading back home, was just out here on a work trip.”</p><p>“Thrilling.” </p><p>“So no boyfriend?” </p><p>Toni groaned, physically groaned so loudly that the people in front of them peered over their seats expecting a murder. </p><p>“I’m gay.” </p><p>
  <em>“Oh.” </em>
</p><p>And then the blonde was red in the face, tapping her hand on her leg and looking anywhere but at Toni. She knew the feeling. She could sense the homophobia that the bible girl was dripping with as she fiddled with the cross around her neck intently, a vibe she had felt all too many times before.</p><p>“Look just stay on your side, I’ll stay on mine. No need to get all Jesus freak on me.”</p><p>“I’m not,” </p><p>“Just please leave me the hell alone.” And with that, her headphones were plastered back on her ears, where she let them sit for the entire duration of the journey back to Minnesota. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Homosexual Bible Basher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Enemies by Lauv</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry that I've missed a couple of days, my health decided to not comply again, so my posting will be a little uneven (Though I'll still aim to post 3 or 4 times a week.) Anyhow enjoy! Stay rad &amp; hydrate!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the car slowed she listened to the homely sound of the crunching of tyres against thick snow; God she missed this place. Toni hadn’t been home in over five years and now the trees that surrounded the property felt like a distant memory that didn’t quite belong to her anymore, the house appearing older and surrounded by far more greenery than before. Then again; Toni had been the only one to do the gardening in their flat; <em>perhaps some things never changed.</em></p>
<p>Whilst being a student they had all lived here; though Fatin and Leah moved into the house next door when they became a couple, they had all lived there together for a fair amount of years. She could still remember their slight disappointment when she told them she was moving for the job; they were all so happy together and Toni gave them short notice, flying out the door before they could grasp why. </p>
<p>But she didn’t do family. And she sure as fuck didn’t do safety and comfort as it was something the girl had never had; so when she did hold it there right in her fingertips, in every drunken night and hungover morning, she dropped it before it had the chance to fall. </p>
<p>The guy handed her her bags as a car pulled up beside her, an all too familiar blonde stepping out as her heart ceased. </p>
<p>
  <em>What the fuck. </em>
</p>
<p>The girl looked up as the cars pulled away, meeting hazel eyes with some kind of absolute confusion that quickly turned to… fear? Shock? The emotions seemed to change every half a second and she was struggling to keep track; her mind more focussed on what the fuck was happening. </p>
<p>“What the frick are you doin' here?” </p>
<p>The voice shouted, quite angrily. Oh, that was new. Toni wasn’t sure why the girl's rage warmed her just below her stomach; of course, her body had decided to be weirdly turned on by this. </p>
<p>“Why the hell are you following me? I swear to God my friends live here and they will beat your ass. I will call the police!” The southern girl was literally going the hell off at her like a Karen and all Toni could do was suppress a smile until-</p>
<p>“If you’re so attracted to someone ask their number don’t fricken stalk them!” </p>
<p>“Oh because I’m gay right?” Toni rolled her eyes. “So I must be attracted to fucking Gigi Hadid over here right? Fucking homophobes I swear to fucking God you are not my fucking type, I would rather date a stingy ass dude than y-”</p>
<p>“Toni!” Dot ran screaming from the house, arms wrapping around her as the dog jumped at her legs from behind. “Fuck I missed you man, was beginning to think you were dead.” </p>
<p>“We literally face time every week.” </p>
<p>“That could have been a simulation.” </p>
<p>She scoffed. God, she was happy to see her again. Her heart clenched as she was wrapped in another hug by Fatin and Leah, feeling slightly like the squished meat in between a taco amongst their joint grasp. </p>
<p>“Bitch where the hell have you been?” Fatin’s glare was enough to make even the devil shit himself. </p>
<p>“Work.”</p>
<p>“Toni it’s been five fucking years. No one works that much. Cut the shit.” </p>
<p>“I have genuinely been working.” </p>
<p>“And having sex?”</p>
<p>“Fatin!” </p>
<p>“What? I need to know you have a healthy sex life up there. People get kinda grumpy without orgasms, it’s science.”</p>
<p>“That is most definitely not science. And I have a very healthy sex life thank you very much.” She didn't.</p>
<p>“Ayy still getting it Shalifoe!” Dot slapped her hand in a much too hard high five. “Oh fuck my bad, this is Shelby, Shelby this is Toni. Shelby’s our new roommate, the reason you’re taking the couch, Rachel’s sister Nor already took the spare room so you’ll have to share the shower in your old room with Shelby and use the couch for now.”</p>
<p>“This? This is Toni?” She squeaked, her form retreating behind her suitcase. </p>
<p>“Yeah, wait you guys know each other?”</p>
<p>The tension was thick, every girl could sense that something was extremely weird in whatever concrete air sat between the two. </p>
<p>“Oh my God did you fuck? Please tell me you guys fucked, I can sense that sexual tension like MAD.” Fatin grinned ear to ear, only dropping it when her girlfriend smacked her.</p>
<p>“Ew God no I wouldn’t fuck a fucking homophobic Jesus freak. Fuck I have standards you know.” </p>
<p>Everyone simply stared at Toni, faces in slight confusion before Dot looked between the two.</p>
<p>“Toni, Shelby’s gay.” </p>
<p>Arms crossed against her chest and she took a step back, looking at the girl from head to toe then back again, trying to sum up what kind of fucking joke was being played here. Her silence hung in the air, Toni Shalifoe always had something to fucking say, but right now, now she was out of every fucking word in the dictionary like an empty scrabble bag.</p>
<p>“She’s straight.” Toni stuttered.</p>
<p>Shelby locked eyes with her, arms crossing as she mimicked her position. “No, I’m very much entirely gay thank you.” </p>
<p>“But, but you had the whole Jesus, and then the weird shit where you pulled back any time I-”</p>
<p>“Gay people can be Christian, Toni.” </p>
<p>She just stared, knowing everyone was watching her now with a slight hint of humor in their eye because wow she had really blown this one up. Her voice just kind of sat there, stuck in the base of her throat, refusing to make a sound even though every swear word was going through her head right now; they had to be messing with her. Yet Shelby looked entirely pissed and Toni knew a Christian wouldn’t pretend to be gay for the fun of it. </p>
<p><br/>“Whatever Cara Delevigne.” She grabbed her bag and traipsed into the house. </p>
<p>“Oh were onto the queer blonde references now huh?” Shelby called after her. </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, fuck off.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Toni sat, staring at the pizza on her lap. She hadn’t eaten all day yet she couldn’t bear to look at the thing, the melted cheese actually making her feel mildly repulsed. </p>
<p>“So how the hell do you two know each other?” Leah spoke as she drifted through the Netflix selection.</p>
<p>“We don’t”</p>
<p>“We sat next to each other on the plane.” They spoke simultaneously.</p>
<p>Fatin shot Leah a look she didn’t bother taking the time to decipher. Even before dating they somehow conveyed whole sentences unspoken, when their eyes lingered and brows raised you knew they were having a conversation, you just never knew what it was about. It was like some weird-ass twin telepathy for couples.</p>
<p>“Shelby I know you hate horrors but Toni made us promise to watch the newest Purge film when she got here.”</p>
<p>The blonde also hadn’t touched her pizza, seemingly in a world of her own until the conversation was directed at her. “Oh, yeah okay. That’s cool.” </p>
<p>“What do you mean that’s cool Shel? You hate horrors! I’m sure Toni can pick something else.” </p>
<p>She flinched slightly at the fact Martha had a nickname for the girl; those she only tended to give to people she held extremely close, and as she looked at the girl with pristine nails and the cross hung around her neck she knew, just knew exactly what type of girl she was, she would hurt Marty. Those types of girls always did. </p>
<p>“No, come on I wanted to watch this! You promised!” Toni glared at Dot who immediately gave in, switching on the film. </p>
<p>“If you get scared feel free to hide in my arms.” The words dripped with sarcasm as they came from her mouth. </p>
<p>“Fuck off.”</p>
<p>“Oh? Do you say your prayers with that mouth?” She smiled smugly as the blonde pulled a comforter up just below her eyes, clearly already freaked out by the film that hadn’t begun. This was going to be good. It’s not like it was that scary of a film anyway, but it was tradition. The girls always watched horrors like this together, no random ditsy blonde was going to change that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was about forty-five minutes in when she realized for the majority of the film she had just been watching the southern girls responses. Not in a weird way, Toni reasoned, but as a comedic observation. Shelby was far more interesting than the film, screeching at any slight movement, hiding under the covers at even a scraped knee, looking like she was ready to throw up any time something happened and she didn’t have time to hide. </p>
<p>So her mind drew blank when the girl piped up. </p>
<p>“Could you stop staring at me? You’re freakin’ me the heck out.” </p>
<p>She had noticed, and Toni wasn’t sure why that got so deep under her skin, why it made her feel like she had been caught prying into something oddly private or personal. </p>
<p>“Sorry, you’re just loud as shit. Thought there had been an actual murder and you seemed like the most likely in the house to be holding the knife.”</p>
<p>“Why are you so dang annoying?”</p>
<p>“Why can’t you swear like a normal fucking human?”</p>
<p>“Guys shut the fuck up!” Fatin threw a handful of popcorn in their direction. “We’re trying to watch the fucking film, we don’t need the kids bickering around the adults.” </p>
<p>Toni shoved the now extremely cold pizza in her mouth. Fucking bible bashers. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When it came time for Toni to sleep she showered and brushed her teeth, taking as long as possible knowing that Shelby wouldn’t dare enter her bedroom until she was done and out of the bathroom. </p>
<p>Walking down the stairs in gym shorts and a cropped tee, she pressed the towel to her hair. “I’m out now, the room is now void of sin, you may enter Lynn Gunn.” </p>
<p>“Oh shut up.” Shelby got off the couch, turning around only to stop in her tracks as she… <em>oh, okay that was new</em>. She was eyeing up her. When her eyes finally made it up to her face Toni gave her an incredibly smug smile. Yes, she had been caught.</p>
<p>Shelby tightened her ponytail and began to walk off. “Stop staring at me, Toni!”</p>
<p>“I was just looking at your ass. You know, trying to even out the score.” </p>
<p>Shelby groaned, storming up the stairs and the brunette realized; actually, just perhaps this stay could be a bit of fun. She would see just how much she could piss her off, Toni sure had a talent for it; why waste it? </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should we wake her?” Shelby tried not to pay thought to how cute and calm the girl looked while sleeping; her hair messed, a slight dopey smile on her face as she splayed out across the couch.</p>
<p>“God no, Toni is an absolute nightmare in the mornings, she makes King Kong seem like Curious George.” Leah shook her head.</p>
<p>“Has anyone woken Shalifoe yet?” Fatin walked into the room. </p>
<p>“No, babe. Leave her.” </p>
<p>Fatin jumped full force onto the girls sleeping form, laughing as a loud grunt sounded in the room. “What the flying fuck? Fatin I’m going to fucking kill you.” </p>
<p>“But breakfast is ready!” Leah whined, so over what they were yet to start before it had begun. This was one thing the girl had not missed. </p>
<p>Toni got up, running to tackle Fatin onto the floor. </p>
<p>“Ow fuck!” She swiped at Toni, hitting at the arms that pinned her down before moving to pull her hair. </p>
<p>“Fuck why do you pull hair that’s such a bitchy move.” </p>
<p>“You shouldn’t use the word bitch like that Toni it’s anti-feminist to do so.”</p>
<p>“Okay, then you are a massive cun-!”</p>
<p>“I’m not dealing with this shit today.” Leah waved a spatula in the air, retreating to the kitchen. “One day in and already acting like fricken toddlers.”</p>
<p>The girl rolled on top of the Toni, shoving some of the day old popcorn she found on the floor into her mouth. </p>
<p>“Shouldn’t we break this up?”</p>
<p>Dot shook her head. “Nah I think it’s kinda’ healthy actually. They were both basketball players, I think this is just how athletes work shit out.”</p>
<p>“Plus last time I intercepted them I got a black eye.” Rachel shook her head at the memory. “But by all means, if you’re feeling wild go ahead. They normally burn out after ten minutes or so though.”</p>
<p>“Oh. I’m just gonna leave them then. Breakfast guys?” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. White Girl Fuckuccino</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Ribena by Pegasus Bridge</p><p>TW: Mentions of death of a mother/ drug habits</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>She gazed at the chalkboard from over her pancakes. They had started this in college, a board with chores roughly scrawled across it below which sat a pile of rocks with their name on that they would set under the chore they chose to undertake. </p><p>“Toni you’re on Christmas shopping today.” Dot pointed at the rock adorned with her name that she hadn’t laid eyes on in the past five years. </p><p>“Why do I still have a rock?” She pushed more of the pancakes into her mouth. Of course the second day back Dot had her on chore duty, she was such a stickler for them you would have thought they were survival tasks or some shit. </p><p>“Because it’s the only piece of you we had when you fucked off to the middle of nowhere Toni.” Fatin looked at her, though she was joking she could read the hurt in her eyes. </p><p>“Why do I have to do Christmas shipping? Please tell me I’m at least going with you, you know I hate that shit.” </p><p>“You’re going with Shelby.” </p><p>The blonde choked on her pancake slightly, eyes seemingly pleading with Dot. Dot never gave in though, it was a futile attempt. </p><p>“Why the heck do you hate Christmas? Of course, you’re a Grinch.” Shelby rolled her eyes at her. </p><p>“Look not all of us had nicey-nice Christian present time with Daddy.” She shot back. </p><p>Shelby dropped her fork. “I’ll be ready in twenty, you better get your ass the heck up!”</p><p>“Could you at least try to get on with her for five minutes?” Dot spoke after she left the room. “She’s a sweet girl.” </p><p>“Sweet girl.” Toni scoffed.<em> Sure. Sweet. Sweet like arsenic fucking tea. </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Shelby drummed her hands on the steering wheel of the car, that shockingly was a bright lemon yellow Land Rover, because, of course it fucking was. The harsh voice of early era Taylor swift blared through the car and she winced internally. </p><p>“Please can you turn that off?” </p><p>“No grumpy, just because you hate good music doesn’t mean I’m gonna turn it the heck off.” </p><p>“Look, Piper Chapman, please turn your shitty music down at least. My ears are bleeding.” </p><p>“You’re single aren’t you?” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Just an observation. Couldn’t guess why.”</p><p>“Oh fuck off.” </p><p>The rest of the car journey she succumbed to the hell-baring pain that was at least three albums of country shit, she was pretty sure at one point someone was playing aggressive banjo. Arms folded she pretended not to note how Shelby tapped on the steering wheel, how her voice was actually perfect as she sung her heart out as if Toni wasn’t sat next to her. Her hair blew as her elbow rested on the window and Toni felt a warmth of comfort she would never admit to. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can you stop swingin’ on the trolley like a four-year-old?” Shelby actually had the audacity to bat her arms from the handle like a pissed off mother. </p><p>“Just grab the shit and let’s go.” </p><p>Shelby piled what felt like half of the store into the trolley, vegetables, meat, literally everything. Toni was beginning to wonder if there was a shelter they had signed up to feed because apparently, they were feeding hundreds of people. </p><p>“We don’t need anything down there.” </p><p>“Yes, we fucking do.” Toni pushed the trolley down the aisle. God this store hadn’t changed since she left, the ma and pop owned grocery store that never seemed to age a day, a weird constant in a town that was far from the same. </p><p>She dropped four boxes of macaroni into the trolley, moving to grab the cereal after. </p><p>“Why are you grabbin’ so much stuff? We’re just meant to be getting Christmas food.”</p><p>“Mac and cheese and Lucky Charms is Christmas food.” Toni sneered at her. This was her go-to holiday food, especially when she liked to breeze past holidays of religion she didn’t ever wish to partake in whatsoever. </p><p>“Were you raised by animals?” Shelby went to remove the cereal and Toni hit her hand away. Could this girl just not?</p><p>“Pretty much, foster care, which to be fair, usually was animals.” Toni dropped another box of cereal into the cart just to piss the girl off. Apparently, Shelby had nothing to say as her eyes just kind of locked on her, her mouth hung open just slightly. </p><p>“Toni?” The high-pitched voice of the cute, tall brunette screeched down the aisle and she ran to take her into a tight hug. “When the hell did you get back?” </p><p>“Amy!” She removed herself from the girl's grip, meeting deep eyes. <em>God how did she get hotter?</em>  “Back for Christmas with the girls.” </p><p>Amy laughed as if that was the funniest thing in the world and she watched Shelby’s jaw tense opposite her. </p><p>“God we missed you, you know? If you ever want to swing by you’re welcome to. She took her phone out passing it to Toni. “I don’t have your recent number.</p><p>Toni pressed her digits into the keys, saving her name as <strong>‘The One and Only Shalifoe.’</strong> “How is everyone? Is Megan still working for,”</p><p>“The college team yeah. She’s happy coaching there. They're always looking for new coaches if you’re ever interested? Stats like yours you’d be a shoe-in Shalifoe.” </p><p>Shaking her head she handed the phone back. “I don’t play anymore, would be nice to see you guys again though.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Amy placed her phone in the back pocket of her jeans. “Also, if you ever want to get coffee, just the two of us like old times…” She backed away. “You have my number!” </p><p>God that girl was something. </p><p>Turning she was met with the wide eyes of Shelby. “Shit, sorry need to get the turkey right? Or have the girls changed what they eat for Christmas?” Toni began to push the trolley to the next aisle.</p><p>“So guessin' y’all used to date?” The blonde’s eyes remained glued to the ground. </p><p>“I wouldn’t say date, we were on the team together and just ended up,” She tightened her hands on the trolley. “Very good friends?” </p><p>“Oh.” Shelby busied herself looking at the food. “So by that, you mean?” </p><p>“Yes, we used to sleep together, Shelby.” </p><p>“Did you just use my actual name?” </p><p>“No, I think you imagined that Veronica Mars.” She stared at the food. “Are you grabbing something or did you want to talk about our boyfriends and cheer practice? Oh my God did you see the new Pretty Little Liars?” Toni fell back into that fake southern voice that seemed to piss the girl off so much flipping her hair over her shoulder for good measure. </p><p>“You know cheerleaders are actual people right?”</p><p>“Oh my fucking God you were a cheerleader? Of course, you fucking were.”</p><p>“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Shelby whirled, eyes dark as she seethed. </p><p>“Just you seem like the type.” </p><p>The girl huffed. “Well you seem like the obnoxious dick, jock type so guess we’re both right."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
The car ride back was going okay as silence seemed to work for the pair; as long as they didn’t speak they were fine, settling into their own little bubbles. As the car slowed by a Starbucks drive-through, however? Toni couldn’t hold it in.</p><p>“Starbucks? You’re kidding right?” She scoffed. </p><p>“Seriously what is your problem?” </p><p>“Cameron Diaz, Starbucks is the most basic girl drink ever. Everyone knows Benny’s has way better coffee, plus it’s way fucking cheaper and you’re supporting a small business.” </p><p>Shelby hit her head against the steering wheel with force, a large honk startling them both. “Please just leave me alone. Benny’s doesn’t have the syrup I like. I just want a fucking coffee, Toni.” </p><p>Toni recoiled, dropping her head. She wasn’t sure why at that moment she actually felt bad for the girl, but the last thing she needed was her crying and Fatin coming for her ass for pissing off the new girl. </p><p><br/>
“Hey, can I get coconut mocha frappuccino with almond milk?” </p><p>Whoever was working seemed to laugh over the intercom. “Sure thing Shelby.”</p><p>
  <em>How often did she come here?</em>
</p><p>“Do you want anything?” </p><p>
  <em>Well, that was unexpected. </em>
</p><p>Toni stalled, her mind monetarily blank as she looked into the girl's eyes, breaking the suddenly weird tension with a cough. “Espresso please.” </p><p>“Okay, if you pull around to the collection zone.”</p><p><br/>
When they got to the window Toni leaned across the girl's chest, ignoring their proximity as she passed the guy her card, hearing the blonde girl's breath hitch, probably pissed off that Toni was laying over her boobs. </p><p>“I can pay Toni.” </p><p>“I’m not letting you buy me stuff, it’s fine I’m paying.” </p><p>The guy handed her back her card and they pulled forward, Toni with her small espresso and Shelby with a fucking ass tonne of a mountain of whipped cream.</p><p>“How the fuck are you so skinny?”</p><p>“I do speed cycling sessions with the church.” </p><p>
  <em>Was that even a thing?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pulling up back at the house Toni walked to the boot, heaving all six bags into her hands. </p><p>“Hey pass me some.” Shelby motioned to the bags. </p><p>“I’ve got it.” </p><p>“You know you’re kinda chivalrous for a complete ass right?” </p><p>The girl actually winked at her and Toni was sure she would drive her to the brink of insanity before she had to return. “Whatever.” </p><p>“How long are you down for anyway?” She closed the boot. </p><p>“Few weeks. I can work remote for a while if I need to stay any longer, not sure if Dot will actually let me get back or if she has ropes ready in the attic to keep me here.” </p><p>“Ahh, I was wondering what those chains were for.” Shelby opened the door. </p><p>“She comes bearing meat and sustenance!” Fatin hailed, moving to gab some of the bags. </p><p>“And half the fruit and veg aisle.” She narrowed her eyes at the blonde. <em>Why the fuck did they need so many carrots?</em></p><p>Shelby sipped on her drink, perching on the breakfast stool.</p><p>“Martha you owe me five dollars.” </p><p>Huffing she relinquished the money to her. </p><p>“What the hell was that for?” Toni placed the turkey in the freezer.</p><p>“Fatin bet me five dollars neither of you would return crying or shouting.”</p><p>“And you bet?”</p><p>“I bet that one of you would. I’m actually kind of let down, thought that was a sure bet.” She winked at her as Toni mocked a gasp of betrayal. </p><p>“Toni’s not that bad. She brought me a coffee.” Shelby held up what was left of the cup of whipped white girl fuckuccino. </p><p>The girl's heads turned around, Fatin narrowing her gaze. “Toni…. bought you a coffee?” </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>She pretended to not acknowledge Fatin's burning gaze, the heat on her skin as eyes bore into her soul. </p><p>“From Starbucks?”</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>Shelby watched the two of them looking fifty shades of confused, faces morphing into a different reaction every two seconds. </p><p>“Dot, Toni bought Shelby a coffee from fucking Starbucks!”</p><p>“Oh fuck off.” Toni grabbed a water from the fridge, letting the ice cold liquid cool her throat. </p><p>“She what?” Dot jogged into the room, her play station controller dangling from her hand. “Toni are you okay?” A palm reached her forehead and she quickly swatted it away. “No temperature but maybe she’s coming down with something?” </p><p>“Oh, suck my dick, Dot.”</p><p>“Am I missin’ somethin’?” Shelby put her drink down. </p><p>“Toni Is a stingy bitch. Will always pay for her own shit but NEVER, never once has she paid for ours.”</p><p>“Guys I get you fucking awesome presents, how the fuck am I stingy?” </p><p>Dot smiled. “Whilst we all love the playstation, Fatin has a point. Just like out of the house while we’re together or at meals you’re…” </p><p>“Stingy?” Toni scoffed. </p><p>“Well, apparently not anymore. Maybe it’s the high flying job, or could it be the allure of a certain Miss Texas?” Fatin winked and she just about spat her drink out.</p><p>“Fuck off. I just like to stay in my own fucking lane, you guys know that.” </p><p>“Well, you ditched us for that job miles away so yes we know that Toni.”</p><p>“You’re still holding that grudge? I said I was sorry.”</p><p>Dot and Shelby stepped back, the two of them were at it again, fists curling, arms gesturing wildly in the air as they shouted at each other.</p><p>“You literally had a better offer here and you took that?” </p><p>Toni scoffed, she wasn’t sure why she thought she’d return and they would just ignore the past yet here it was, the memories falling to her feet again as if she’d never left in the first place. </p><p>“I took it because the healthcare was good Fatin.” </p><p>“Oh fuck off, we both know that after Sarah you were just running away like a fucking coward.” Fatin looked like she regretted it as soon as the words fell from her lips. Yet they all know it needed to be said, and it was true.</p><p>It was a low blow, one that struck her so hard she suddenly felt breathless like everything had slowed and everyone was watching her like some kind of fucked up zoo animal. Though Toni would never talk about it, losing her mother had been a bleak moment in her life. With her reoccurring drug habit, it wasn’t like they’d ever been close, but she was all Toni had. The visits to rehab and prison or wherever the hell she was held up on some charge were all she could hold onto. A strange constant, as if her mother was still there even though for years she had just been a vacant shell barely remembering her name. But she was there, she could hold her withering hands and stare into those shot pupils and know that somewhere, just maybe she knew she was here too.</p><p>So as tears ran down her face, she crossed her arms, jaw tightening. Toni didn’t cry. “Fuck. You.” </p><p>And with that she was back out the door, feet taking her anywhere but here. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I'm coming at you with more angst, I'm ill and wish to instill minor pain in everyone around me. Jk, all will be fine after the next chapter. You can find my ass on tumblr gay-art-vibes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. She's a runner.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Feeling A Moment by Feeder</p><p>TW: Mentions of abuse while in foster care, drug mentions.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>After half an hour she began to realise perhaps how ridiculous she had been. When her Mom died she had left the following week, without many words to the girls about it. Toni had turned off, thrown up every wall she had and shut them the hell out. It hadn’t been fair on the girls, for a year it was basically radio silence on her part except for the occasional text or video call, she had removed those closest to her in her life as she did with every last thing around her. </p><p>When something went wrong Toni fled entirely falling into the trope of an angry foster kid, from a young age having been labelled a ‘runner’. It was a term thrown around in her youth, one she despised making her sound flighty and terrified. Then again maybe that was exactly what the girl was, however, life had dealt her a shit hand and many truly awful homes and ‘guardians’. Toni had earned the right to be a runner, it was in her blood, ever fuelling her self preservation, gnawing at every crevice of her being. </p><p>Fists clenching she tucked them into her pants. <em>Fuck it was cold</em>, and this day was fairly warm for a Minnesota winter. Leaving in just a thermal shirt and flannel was a dick move in this climate; she needed to get the hell back, but her feet wouldn’t let her. Continuing on the same path to nowhere as her skin reddened, lips chapped. Yes, this was definitely not the weather to be out in but she knew she was wrong and as the ice bit at her fingertips, she thought that maybe just this was the punishment she deserved.</p><p>She could do better though, and she would. Toni owed the girls that, an apology even if small; especially to Fatin. Toni originally was the only one who knew what Fatin’s dad did, how he cheated and how Fatin was crumbling under the weight of what the hell to do. She was the only one who knew and yet she left her, days after finding out acting like nothing had happened, filtering out her texts when the girl needed her most. Toni had become everything she didn’t want to be, falling into the habits of her mother. Flighty and unreliable.</p><p>A car slowed by her, fingers tightening hard around her keys. </p><p>“I know I’m from Texas an’ all but isn’t it far too cold to be roaming around in a shirt?” </p><p><em>Fuck.</em> Toni stilled, face turning to meet Shelby’s as her hands balled in her pockets. “You been following me, Maeve Wiley? I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from but here that’s kinda creepy.” </p><p>Shelby got out of the car, moving to open the other door. “Get the hell in Toni you’re freezing.”</p><p>She felt her body moving, even if she didn’t feel like she was doing it herself, the blonde shutting the door behind her before returning to the other side. With the heat of the car, she felt her skin burning, realising now just how cold it had been. </p><p>Shrugging off her coat, Shelby moved to wrap it around her shoulders, the smell of the girl invading her senses until it was all she could focus on. </p><p>“Let's grab you a coffee before we head back, there are hand warmers in the dash compartment.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Though she wasn’t sure when they arrived or how long had passed, she felt the cheap cardboard cups of Benny’s being pushed into her hands. </p><p>“Drink.”</p><p>She didn’t have to meet her gaze to know that it was a command, so she raised the liquid to her lips, wincing at the burning liquid hit chapped skin. </p><p>“You could have killed yourself out there you know?” Shelby sipped on something with considerably less cream than her usual. “You’re wearing nothing, it’s fricken freezing and you were wanderin’ off to the middle of nowhere. What the hell Toni?” </p><p>Bringing the coffee to her lips she took another swig, relishing in the pain that trickled down her throat. “I didn’t ask you to come 'save me’ Shelby. I’m an adult. I can handle myself.” </p><p>“Clearly not.” Shelby lifted the back of her hand to her cheek, the warmth of it flooding through her skin. “Toni you’re shiverin’, your cold as heck and look like a turkey that’s been plucked in December.” Her fingers tapped away at her phone. “The girls are worried sick about you and you’re out there wanderin’ around for the hell of it.” </p><p>“Shelby, don’t.” </p><p>“Don’t what Toni?” She pulled her jumper off handing it to her. </p><p>“Shelby it's freezi-”</p><p>“Just put it on, you’re gonna get sick.” </p><p>Not bothering to argue she pulled the cream wool jumper over her eyes, placing the thick coat on top as her eyes roamed out the window. </p><p>“Toni, I don’t know much about you but you can't just do stuff like that in this weather. You have a load of friends who love the hell out of you- even if I can’t understand why because you’re a pain in the butt- and they are insanely worried about you.”</p><p>“Shelby don’t act like you know me. At the end of the day, mommy and daddy gave their daughter a perfect little life you do not get it.” She didn’t. They were from separate worlds, parallel universes in which there was food on the table and warmth. Love. </p><p>Shelby ran her hand through her hair. “Toni my parents are assholes. I was raised having to meet standard after standard, do you know what it’s like to be scrutinised for any ounce of fricken weight you put on? Or saying the wrong thing about international politics at a pageant or-”</p><p>“But you literally signed up for that. You signed up to be judged.” </p><p>“Not just on the stage Toni. Everywhere.” Shelby put her drink down. “My family are traditional Christians, I grew up gay, they knew it and forced me to date guys. To go to conversion camp after camp even though I told them I was straight because they just knew, for some damn reason that it was a lie. When I came out they told me to go out and clear my head, then I came back to all my stuff laying out on the fricken lawn, my dad telling me he never wanted to see me again and that I was disgusting.” </p><p>“But you have a family Shelby. You got to do things and have people around you who loved you even if that was conditional. I woke up sleeping against my fucking door so I’d be woken if someone tried to come in because Lord forbid I got stuck with a fucking handsy guardian again. I didn’t have food in the fridge, my carers would all blow my money on alcohol or drugs. You know they told me it would be better than staying with my druggie of a mom and I wanted to believe that every time one of them punched me or kicked me in the stomach and yet it wasn’t fucking true Shelby.” Tears ran hot, pooling around the neck of the wool jumper. “Your parents are shit but you do not get it. You say it’s weird to be walking out in this weather but I used to have to sleep in this if I had a rough night and shelters were full. Martha was good to me, too good but I didn’t want to take advantage so I just slept in the fucking snow. And yes those girls are everything to me, and yes I realise I fucked up but I’ve spent my whole life running from shitty place to shitty place that I don’t know how to just-”</p><p>“Be happy.”</p><p>Shelby was crying too, her palm resting on Toni’s knee. She wiped the tears from her face. </p><p>“Can we just go back?” </p><p>“Okay.” Shelby turned on the engine. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
By the time they got back, Toni was as white as a sheet, her tears long since dried. “I’m sorry, for like, being a dick and all. What I did it wasn’t fair.” She paced as everyone's eyes bore into hers.</p><p>“It’s forgiven.” Fatin slapped her on the back and she winced at the pain against her frozen skin. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have said,”</p><p>“You were right. It’s fine.” Toni kicked off her shoes. </p><p>“Right I’m gonna put on some soup because you look like Olaf, Shelby could you?” Dot waved a wooden spoon through the air as she retreated out back.</p><p>Shelby nodded pulling her hand up the stairs. “The showers kinda crap you have to turn it up to,”</p><p>“I know, used to be my room Texas.”</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“Do you have a spare towel? Think that was the one thing I forgot to pack a spare of.”</p><p>“Yeah I’ll go grab that and some sweats for you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Toni opened the door, stepping into the hot flow as it scalded her skin, wiping away the pain and memories she wished to finally leave behind. Her feet kicked at the rim of the tub, pissed off she never seemed to stop fucking up. In LA she had been put together, sane, even if unhappy. Here Toni was nothing but a spiralling mess, even with as content as she felt here.</p><p> </p><p>After a while, and using Shelby’s shampoo knowing her shit was downstairs, she stepped out, hearing the faint knock on the door.</p><p>“Toni where do you want me to leave these?” </p><p>She poked her arm out the door, retracting it as the clothing was pressed into her hand. “Thank you.” </p><p>She heard a slightly nervous ‘no problem’. Maybe she shouldn’t have lost her shit quite as much with Shelby, the girl who now knew just a tad too much about her past for Toni to digest, uncomfortable with the whole ordeal of ‘baring her soul’ and shit. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You look,” Shelby paused from where she was reading a book on the bed. “The sweatpants fit huh?” She swallowed hard and moved her eyes from Toni’s ass. A smug smile pulled at her face, knowing she had at least some part of the girl that didn’t hate her.</p><p>“Yeah, thanks I’ll get them back to you tomorrow.” Toni towelled her hair and Shelby’s eyes widened, the smell of mango filling the air between them.</p><p>“You used my shampoo?”</p><p>Freezing, she met her gaze. “Shit, sorry. My shit was downstairs and I,”</p><p>“It smells good.” Then Shelby was looking at her, hand tightening on the cover as she watched the beads of water drip from Toni’s hair down her abdomen. </p><p>Toni wasn’t sure why the heat was pooling just south of her belly button, so she dropped the towel. “You mean you smell good, right?” It was her shampoo after all. She winked at the blonde, watching her trying to formulate a word as she walked out the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, ok I've been hella shit at posting daily so I'll be releasing a few chapters a week. I'm trying to work so I need to find that writing/poting balance again. If you wanna send me prompts, nag me or send me The Wilds memes find me on tumblr @ gay-art-vibes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The One With the Copious Amounts of Alcohol</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Ponyboy by SOPHIE (It's a fucking awesome tune)</p><p>Content warning: This chapter is E-rated for smut.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The next couple of days went in a manner that Toni could only describe as; <em>weird as shit</em>. Shelby avoided her, walking out the room as she walked in, pulling her hand away from popcorn as Toni reached for the bowl, going out for more spin classes than should be humanly possible. Toni was sure that if she carried on at that rate her thighs would become steel and Shelby could audition for the next role casting for the role of the Terminator.</p><p>Yet it was a comfortable distance, a safety net of avoidance that seemed to fit themselves perfectly <em>fine</em>.</p><p>“Shelby, can you drag Toni with you to spin today?” Martha blocked off the door just as the blonde was heading out. </p><p>“What why?” She stammered. </p><p>“Toni had a leg injury, she’s meant to keep it active to maintain the muscle, and she hasn’t done shit here.” Martha smiled at Toni who threw a pillow at her.</p><p>“Martha I’m fine. I’m not going to some Jesus take the wheel spin class with Carrie Underwood over there.” </p><p>Shelby groaned at the name choice. </p><p>“Toni you’re going, don’t make me pull sister rank on you. I’m older, you’re going.”</p><p>“Martha what the fu-”</p><p>“GOING.”</p><p>And Toni knew better to argue with the girl; she knew Martha could damn well take her in a fight; she had plenty of practice fighting with her other sisters. Toni was strong but Martha was ruthless, out for first blood like a fucking Viking. It’s something you’d never of thought to look at her, her cute smiles, glowing personality, and inability to swear. Yet deep down somewhere; Toni was sure she was a professional WWE wrestler.</p><p>“Fuck, fine.” </p><p>“Wait, I didn’t agree to this!” </p><p>“Shelby you owe me!” </p><p>“I do not!” </p><p>“Stacy, the girl you met on tindr and had the date at the bar with? The one you couldn’t stand so I had to come and rescue your ass in the middle of a work meeting?” </p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>“Wait you’re on tindr?”</p><p>“Yes, what the heck does that mean?”</p><p>“I just thought you’d be on a Jesus one is all. Eve and Eve, or Dawn of Eve or some shit. Do they even have lesbian Christian dating apps?” </p><p>“Get your stuff Toni we’re going.” And with that, she was out the door. </p><p>“But what if I go up in flames when the pastor enters?” She shouted after her, grinning away.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spin classes were a fucking joke. Toni wasn’t sure she’d sweat this much in her life and she used to play college basketball. Not only that but Shelby wasn’t joking, the class was genuinely run by a pastor who was reading damn bible quotes at the front of the class as they burned as if that was meant to encourage them. Where was the good music? The enjoyment? It was almost as if the pastor had intended to simulate the burning landscape of hell.</p><p>Toni managed to find some enjoyment right in front of her.</p><p>“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Galatians 5:16.”</p><p>Desires of the flesh. Toni recited the words in her mind as her gaze remained on Shelby’s ass. At this point, she was pretty sure the girl was intentionally taunting her, that posture, the flicks of her hair. What she didn’t know is why she was so fully entranced by it, heat filling her and she wet her lips. <em>Fuck, she was attracted to the bible girl. </em></p><p>A head looked over her shoulder, eyes narrowing at Toni’s. “Stop staring at my ass.” </p><p>Maybe she should come to spinnin’ with Jesus more often?<br/>
 </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Did you enjoy yourself?” Toni didn’t know if she had imagined the playful lilt in the girl's voice, or if she was just going bat shit crazy. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Darn, I’d of thought you’d had a great time. You really seemed to be enjoying the view.” </p><p>Nope, she hadn’t imagined it. “Whatever Iggy Azalea,” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
After that they went back to their usual rapport, ignoring or bickering much to the other girl's annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Toni?” Rachel pulled the handbag over her shoulder. </p><p>“Getting ready in Dot's room she’s taking ages tonight.” Fatin groaned.</p><p>“She realizes she’s not getting laid here right? Like if I have to walk in on Toni fucking another girl on the couch  again I’m out of here.” Dot gagged at the memory. </p><p>“She realizes,” Toni spoke, exiting Dot’s room. “However I can still go home with someone.” She winked at Fatin grabbing her doc martens. </p><p>Lacing them up she stood, cute grey pants and a black crop top covered her, pulling on her leather jacket. Fatin had done her make-up, even against her protest. </p><p>“Fuck Shalifoe cleans up good.” Leah winked, only to be swatted at by Fatin. </p><p>“You’re mine, Rilke.” She slapped her ass and moved out of the house. “Come on hoes! Let’s party!”</p><p>Shelby stalled at the door, eyes roaming over Toni. </p><p>“Enjoying the view?” Toni followed the others. “You sure as hell better be watching my ass as I leave Paris Hilton!” She called over her shoulder, knowing the girl had heard it from the slight huff in the distance.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
There was one thing that Toni hated more than people and that was clubs, until she was shitfaced enough to bear them. The music pounded through her ears at twice the volume it needed to fucking be, strangers knocked into her left, right, and center. Fuck she needed a drink. </p><p>Two shots down she found herself dancing with Fatin and Leah who had a couple of gay guys in tow. God, she loved gay men; they swatted away any creepy dudes that tried to touch the girls, using that male privilege for good. </p><p>Three shots down she let herself grind against a girl who had pulled her in, chin resting against the crook of her neck as they swayed, her eyes casting over her shoulder to Shelby who watched on, dancing with some girl she didn’t recognize in the distance. </p><p>The girl kissed Shelby’s neck, so Toni leaned down, kissing the girl in her arms neck as her eyes remained locked with Shelby’s, dark and heavy. </p><p>It became a challenge of sorts, as the girl's lips met the blonde’s Toni pulled the girl into her, tasting the heavy scent of alcohol that lined their tongues. </p><p>But then the girl was trailing a hand up Shelby's thigh, grasping at the skin beneath her dress and that heat turned to fire; an anger Toni was all too used to, so she left, fleeing to the bar to down another two shots, enjoying how the alcohol burned at her throat. </p><p>Five shots down she needed to pee, so she made her way to the bathroom. In some shocking twist, a stall was actually free and Toni sat, trying to steady herself. </p><p>Coming out she washed her hands, hearing the bathroom door swing open in the distance. Then there was Shelby staring at her, with something more than usual playing at her pupils. “You vanished, wanted to check you were alive, not frolicking around in the snow again.” </p><p>“I’m sure that’s what it was.” Toni watched her cockily.</p><p>A hand wrapped around hers, pulling her into a bathroom stall. “I just need to clear my head for a bit Toni.” Then Shelby was kissing her, and she stood paralyzed until her brain finally kicked in, pushing her back against the stall. </p><p>Hands trailed up her dress, finding the exposed flesh of the girl's back. Lips crashed against her own, pulling the bottom one in only to bite it, the blonde girl soothing the nip with her tongue, and fuck this was actually kind of hot. </p><p>When Shelby groaned Toni got rougher, pinning her hands above her head with one hand, the other moving to play with her breast over her dress. She was sure she would regret this in the morning, but right now Toni couldn’t give a shit, blaming it on the alcohol instead of a need that had been festering since she met her at the airport. </p><p>“Pull up my dress.”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Toni, I want you. Pull up my dress.” </p><p>“Shelby this bathroom is gross, I’m not fucking you in here.” Hands pushed her away but she grabbed at Shelby’s wrist.</p><p>“Toni, what the fuck?” </p><p>“Wanna go home?” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Once in the house Toni called out, hearing no response she lifted Shelby up, feeling the girl let out a squeal before wrapping her legs around the brunette, her head thudding gently up against the door. </p><p>“What if someone comes home?” Shelby breathed out as lips harshly grazed her neck.</p><p>“Well just be quiet and we won't have a problem.” Lips now roamed her collarbone. </p><p>Pulling her mouth away Shelby moaned, so Toni pulled her up the stairs, opening her bedroom door. “Jeez, how many pillows do you have? I swear I didn’t see those earlier. Fuck does that one say fucking ‘live, laugh, love’? God, you’re such a stereotypical rich white gi-”</p><p>Hands roamed up her top cutting her off, before removing the article of clothing. “You’re hotter when you’re quiet Toni.” </p><p>Shaking her head Toni twisted Shelby so her chest was against the door, her fingers pulling at the zip. “And you’re hotter when you don’t speak Gwen Stefani.”</p><p>“Was that a pun?” Shelby’s smile turned to one of need when Toni dragged fingers up the flesh of her thigh. </p><p>Lifting her onto the bed Toni took in the sight of the girl, chewing on her lip at the lace and all thing so entirely pink and Shelby.</p><p>“This is cute.” Toni pulled at her bra strap, letting it ping back against her shoulder. </p><p>“Toni please,” </p><p>“What do you want, Shelby?” Toni knew what she wanted, and by the pissed expression on the blonde's face, she knew she was aware of that too. But then again she was one who firmly believed in verbal consent.</p><p>“Can you just fuck me?”</p><p>
  <em>Yep, that was verbal consent alright.</em>
</p><p>Toni climbed up her body, planting kisses along her abdomen, running her teeth over her breasts. </p><p>“Stop being a tease.” The last word was lost to a moan as she ran her fingers along her underwear, finding that yes, she was into this as much as Toni was.</p><p>Hands pulled off the underwear then moved to remove her own pants. </p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>Toni kissed her hard, slotting a leg in between hers, thigh landing where she wanted it against the damp beneath. </p><p>She didn’t take Shelby for much but a Jesus-loving southerner, so when she ground against her, moaning hard into her ear she felt herself heat up to the point of needing any release. She didn’t want Shelby touching her though. She would make her come and leave; it was Toni’s thing. Running as always. </p><p>So she bit at her flesh, soothing red marks with her tongue as she worked her way back down slotting her head between the pale flesh of her thighs, nipping gently at the skin there. </p><p>“Fuck.” </p><p>She wasn’t sure if the girl just developed a dirty mouth in bed, but Toni soaked in every last syllable of it, running her tongue along her, <em>God she tasted good</em>. </p><p>The cry she let out was probably loud enough to wake the neighborhood, and Toni was pretty sure if anyone was home they would be laughing their asses off. </p><p>“Shelby, you will literally wake the neighborhood u-”</p><p>Fingers pushed into her hair, pushing her head back down hard. </p><p>“How many?”</p><p>She needn’t say more, the question understood. </p><p>“Two.” A heavy breath dragged through the air. “Oh fuck.” </p><p>The blonde's head fell back, hair splaying against the pillow as a hand-pulled Toni’s neck back up into her, lips melding as she rocked the fingers within her. </p><p>They weren’t friends; still couldn’t stand each other. But Toni wasn’t sure how the fuck they got here, her mouth against Shelby’s with the taste of the girl between them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't know why every time I write gay ass smut I hear that lyric from Bohemian Rhapsody where they sing 'Beelzebub has a devil put aside for meee'. Come find me on tumblr gay-art-vibes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. All Things Hard are Soft</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>All Mac Miller acoustic sessions.</p><p>TW: Brief violence but through MMA (Non agressive) Brief E references throughout.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>She pulled in the form of the girl next to her. Her head pounded as she groaned at the light pouring in through the window; curtains not even drawn. A hand reached over, gripping comfortably onto Toni’s bare chest, a movement she hummed lightly at, the sensation welcomed and warming for all of five seconds. </p><p>Then the girl sat up, hand still holding onto her breast and shocked eyes met hers. </p><p>“Oh fuck.” Both girl’s eyes widened, Shelby following her hand to where it lay before her eyes widened in shock, withdrawing it quickly. </p><p>“Shit, Toni.” </p><p>“I’m not too happy about it either Shelby.” Toni sat up trying to eye where her clothes were. </p><p>They could hear the clattering of plates and cutlery downstairs, everyone was up. </p><p>“Fuck Fatin is going to have a field day with this.” She palmed at her eyes. </p><p>“She is not finding out!”</p><p>“Shelby I think the whole country knew you were having sex last night.” A top hit her swiftly in the face. </p><p>Shelby ran a hand through her hair, breathing out a stressed sigh. “We’re sneaking you out.” </p><p>“We’re what?”</p><p>“Would you rather Fatin knew because Dot is sure as fuck gonna tell her?”</p><p>“No, but-”</p><p>“I know they will have probably heard something last night.”</p><p>“They will have, you came six ti-”</p><p>“Toni!” Shelby pushed her onto the bed, pacing up and down. “They will know we both had sex but wouldn’t it just be better to let them think it was with random people?” </p><p>Her mind began to mull it over. Everyone would give them shit, they had weeks together still and nothing is more awkward than a group of girls knowing that two of them that hate each other’s guts slept together. It would be hell. Like the time Jenny slept with Shane on The L word level freaky. This was one thing Toni just wished to forget.</p><p>“I’m in, how the fuck do I get out though.” </p><p>“I think after last night I’m a good enough distraction. Just leave it ten minutes before you come back in.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Toni listened as Shelby entered the kitchen, hearing the wolf whistles soaring around the room. “She got laid!” Fatin’s voice was clear. </p><p>“Who the hell did you sleep with? I mean not that we were counting, but we share a wall so I counted four.” Rachel chimed in.</p><p>She could almost hear the roll of the blonde’s eyes. </p><p>“Leave me alone. And it was not four. It was six.” More whistles, Toni couldn’t help but feel proud as shit; though she couldn’t say even with Regan she’d hit more than four before, over the space of an entire day. “<strong>God I love Minnesota.</strong>”</p><p>Those were the words Toni was waiting on, she slipped down the stairs, shot Shelby her middle finger, jokingly flipping her off as headed out the door.</p><p>Three minutes passed and Toni reached for the door, making as loud an entrance as possible. “Fuck Shalifoe did you get laid too?” Fatin’s grin was huge. She was a proud Mom. </p><p>Toni dropped her jacket, fuck she was cold. “Uh, yeah.” </p><p>“Get it!” Dot yelled, holding a fist in the air like she was about to scream ‘this is Sparta’. </p><p>Toni sat at the kitchen table, Shelby whispering “I thought I said ten fricken minutes?” Into her ear. </p><p>“It was cold as shit out.” Toni whispered harshly back.</p><p>“So Shelby, who was the lucky girl?” </p><p>Chewing the pancake in her mouth she swallowed hard, making sure to make zero eye contact with the brunette. “Uh, I didn’t get her name.” </p><p>Fatin dropped her fork. “Shelbs, you have gotten laid like maybe once in the past year and a bit, and that was by your friend from church who you swooned to us about for months on end.” </p><p>Shelby choked on her pancakes slightly, meeting Toni’s smug gaze only momentarily. “I have sex Fatin.” </p><p>“No, no you don’t. I can feel sex auras, Shelby, I would know, so I’m a little shocked right now. Toni on the other hand I expect this shit from.” </p><p>Toni glared at her but didn’t mention she hadn’t had sex in over a year. Work stress and overtime would be blamed when actually she just couldn’t truly get over that last bit of Regan, not that she was about to admit that any time soon.</p><p>“Well, I’m just glad everyone here should be a bit chiller today. If you guys bickered anymore I’d genuinely lock you up.” Fatin smiled. </p><p>“Toni is chill, plus she’s out fighting with my boyfriend today while I referee.” (By that Martha simply meant, watching Marcus’ abs oblivious to anything they were doing.) “Shelby you’re heading over to the church right? Could you drop Toni off on the way?” </p><p>Shelby crossed her legs tight and looked at Toni with confusion. “You box?” </p><p>Martha laughed. “MMA Shel. Toni is a killer in a ring, though she had to stop during college, couldn’t get injured and risk her scholarship.”</p><p>She smiled smugly at Shelby, taking a swig of her drink. </p><p>“Yeah I can drop her, do you need a lift?.” </p><p>Toni’s cocky smile dropped at the thought of being with Shelby in the confined space of her car. Knowing what they did last night, with the blonde biting her lip as her head fell back into the cushion, body shaking on replay in her head; this would be awkward as shit.</p><p>“No it's okay, I’m heading out now, Marcus is taking me plant shopping.”</p><p>“We do not need any more damn plants, Martha!” Dot protested, signaling with her hands to the fifty sat in the living room alone. </p><p>“I’m just trying to bring the outside in Dot.”</p><p>“You’re creating a fucking jungle dude. I feel like I’ve been washed up on a fucking island or some Bear Grills level shit.”</p><p>“Just one more?” She whined.</p><p>“Let her get the plant Dot.” Toni smiled at Martha, patting her on the back as she headed upstairs to get dressed. </p><p>“I love you, Toni.” </p><p>“Love you too dork.” Toni poked the end of her nose. “And I do not want to catch you making out with Marcus in the ring its sacred fucking ground.” </p><p>“That was one time!” She turned to Dot. “Could I maybe get two, if they’re small…?”</p><p>“I did not miss you guys ganging up on me.” Dot’s voice was faint in the background. </p><p> </p><p>Toni waited downstairs for Shelby, feet kicked up in her sweatpants and sports bra. </p><p>“If you’re going out like that you’re gonna’ freeze Toni.”</p><p>“My boobs are weatherproof Hilary Duff.” </p><p>“I’m serious.” </p><p>Toni threw on a heavy coat. “I know I’m not stupid. Are we going?” She walked out the door before Shelby could answer. </p><p>“Have you seen my keys?” Shelby turned to Dot before she heard her car unlocking in the distance. “She is such an ass.” She groaned, turning to see Toni already sat in the passenger seat, fiddling with the aux cord. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“This is my car Toni, turn that shit off.” </p><p>Spinning in her seat Toni’s mouth hung ajar. “Mac Miller was and still is one of the greats.”</p><p>Shelby shook her head. “Why do you like this? It’s so…”</p><p>“Because it’s people singing about actual shit they went through Rebel Wilson, not song after song swooning over some boy they met in high school who was probably a huge dick head but oh boy didn’t he have such beautiful eyes.”</p><p>The girl's hands tensed on the wheel. “There is nothing wrong with love songs Toni.” </p><p>“Yeah, well I wouldn’t know anything about that.” </p><p>“Really? Because by the way you gave the cold shoulder to that girl back in the airport I would have-”</p><p>“Pull over, I can walk the rest.” </p><p>“Don’t be stupid it's freezing out.” She continued to drive. </p><p>“Shelby pull over.” </p><p>“Toni your head was between my legs for four hours last night, we can hold a fucking conversation without acting like this for God’s sake.” The blonde snapped.</p><p>That shut Toni right up, her mouth hanging open before she remembered to shut it, her anger over Reagan lost to images of Shelby’s thighs tensing around her head. </p><p>“Stop thinking about it.” Shelby’s voice cracked as she spoke. </p><p>“I’m not thinking about it, Pamela Anderson.” </p><p>The blonde simply raised an eyebrow at her. </p><p>“Fine I was, but you’re kind of bearable when you’re moaning instead of talking.” </p><p>Shelby shook her head but her cheeks heated up, betraying her pissed-off act entirely. </p><p>“I’ll pick you up after, Martha text to say she and Marcus are grabbing lunch.” </p><p>She nodded briefly and dropped out of the car, pulling her gym bag over her shoulder without a word. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
“Five years and you still fight like a pussy, Toni.” Marcus grinned at her, his gums bloody. </p><p>“I’ve had you on the floor twice.” Toni bounced on her feet. </p><p>Swinging she made contact with his face again, this time knocking him back a few feet before turning into a roundhouse kick, landing against his jaw.</p><p>“Is that even legal?” The Texan twang sounded behind her and Toni stilled seeing Shelby sat watching with dark eyes. She was so taken aback that she was stood there, failing to notice the fist coming towards her face, knocking her over, her head promptly slamming against the mat below. Pai radiated through her face and she groaned, reaching to cup her nose.</p><p>“Shit Marcus, could you guys be a little more gentle?” Martha’s hands were on Toni’s shoulders, telling her not to move. </p><p>She could taste the blood trickling down her face. It didn’t really bother Toni, when fighting with Marcus at least one of them would end up like this, it was half the fun after all.</p><p>“Frick is she okay?” Blonde hair fell against her chest, shaking hands wiping at her nose. </p><p>“I’m fine.” Toni stood up and grabbed a towel. “You still punch like a little bitch man.” </p><p>Laughter filled the room as he chucked a bottle of water to her. “I’m surprised you did as well as you did. Still fighting out in LA then?” </p><p>Toni smiled, teeth covered in blood now her gum guard was removed. “When I can find the time.”</p><p>“You know that job will eventually kill you, Toni.” Martha chimed in. </p><p>She rinsed her mouth with water, spitting into the bucket.</p><p>“You work so many hours,”</p><p>“I enjoy it.” </p><p>“Regardless your job shouldn’t be your life. I know what you’re doing is saving lives and shit but you should have a life outside, you need to enjoy your life too.” </p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>“Wait, what do you do?” Shelby looked at her with confusion</p><p>“Toni works as a manager and mentor for an LGBT+ mental health charity.” Martha dabbed a wet towel against her boyfriend's jaw.</p><p>“Wait,” She paused. “What?”</p><p>Toni narrowed her eyes at the blonde. “What?”</p><p>“It’s just, I figured you like worked as an accountant or something, you’re just so feisty. I can’t picture you,”</p><p>“Working with kids?” Martha filled in.</p><p>“You, YOU, Toni work with kids?” </p><p>“No, I work with kids and teens up to the age of eighteen.”</p><p>“So you work with kids?” Shelby’s voice was laced heavily with skepticism. </p><p>“Toni’s great with kids.” Martha picked up the bloodied towel she was cleaning the floor with, chucking it at Marcus’ head and giggling at his scowl. “She practically helped us raise my younger sisters. They were right evil ones. Devil spawn those kids. Always breaking something or other.”</p><p>Smiling smugly she rinsed her mouth once more, moving to pull her sweats back on over her gym shorts. </p><p>“We going?” Toni waited for Shelby to come back from wherever the hell she was in her head. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The ride back was weirdly tense. Shelby gripped the wheel like she was trying to strangle the life out of it, she let Toni play whatever music she wanted and handed her tissues whenever her nose started to bleed. </p><p>“Why do you do that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Fight? Does the pain not make it like… not worth it”</p><p>She laughed, changing the song. “The pains the best part Ava Max.” </p><p>Stilling Shelby seemed to shake something out of her mind. “Why can’t you just use my damn name?”</p><p>“It’s more fun not to.”</p><p>“You used my name last night.” </p><p>“Yes because my fingers were in you Shelby.” Shelby turned, smiling because she had fucked up and given her what she wanted. “Whatever.” She huffed, turning to face out the window. This was going to feel like a long ass ride.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tumblr gay-art-vibes. Ty to all of you who continue to comment or read, have an awesome weekend.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Never Have I Ever, Bitches.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Slow Down Love by Louis The Child feat. Chelsea Cutler (Cover Art) </p>
<p>TW: Brief E rated smut towards the end, brief mentions of drugs and alcohol use.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Toni had missed game night; five years away and every weekend had felt like something was missing. Between the stupid charades, drinking and board games, they had had a lot of fun with many of them forgoing traditions formed with their relatives instead opting to create new ones with their roommates; especially after most of them lost out to the old ones. Toni’s and Dot’s family deceased or not present, Fatin cutting her out after she forwarded her dad's dick to half their town, Leah’s refusing to stop bringing up Jeff, Rachel never living up to the diver they wanted her to be. Nora and Martha were pretty much the only ones left who held actual connections. Toni loved Martha's family like her own as did they where she was concerned, and for that, she was ever thankful. Though she didn’t know where Shelby’s parents fit into her equation. Probably rich as hell with a white picket fence and missing their perfect little Christian.</p>
<p>“Okay bitches,” Fatin and Leah began to lay out the contents of the alcohol cupboard. “We’re starting off with a very fine vodka,” </p>
<p>“Fatin it’s literally supermarkets own brand.” Leah contended, pouring it into the shot glasses.</p>
<p>“As I was saying before my woman so rudely interrupted me,” A hand smacked her, hard. “Babe?”</p>
<p>Chuckling Toni pulled her shot in front of her lap. “I swear with each year that passes you two turn more into an elderly couple than before.” </p>
<p>“Fuck off Toni.” They said simultaneously. </p>
<p>“Point. Proven.”</p>
<p>“Fuck off, right we’re playing never have I ever.”</p>
<p>The group unanimously groaned. “There is nothing we could cover at this point that hasn’t already been done.” Rachel twisted the glass between her fingers.</p>
<p>“Not with that fucking attitude there’s not. So get creative whores.” Fatin clinked her glass against Martha’s; who as usual was the only one grinning. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Nora looked around the girls. “Never have I ever slept with anyone in this group.” </p>
<p>Toni and Fatin clinked their glasses together, smiling as Leah groaned; all three taking a shot. Her eyes wandered to Shelby who seemed to be weighing up whether or not to drink, fingers seizing their grasp after Toni shot her a 'don't do it' look. </p>
<p>“Why do I always have to be reminded you two fucked.” Leah looked to her girl with puppy dog eyes.</p>
<p>“It’s okay babe. Toni may have rocked my world for a whole ten minutes, but she’s also a pain in my fucking ass.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” She glared at the couple now kissing. Gross. </p>
<p>“Never have I ever not had sex in the past year, the other night doesn’t count Shelby.” </p>
<p>Rachel and Shelby drunk. All faces ignoring them and turning to Toni who tried to quickly shoot that shot back without drawing attention.</p>
<p>“Holy fucking shit, what Shalifoe? Are you fucking with us?” Fatin threw a pillow from the couch straight at her nose which, <em>shit</em>, still hurt from earlier. </p>
<p>“I’ve been busy with work.” She pinched her nose and winced at the pain still radiating through it.</p>
<p>“You literally had one of the most crammed schedules out of all of us in college… and were still banging someone. Like obvi I got laid more, but still, the point stands.”</p>
<p>She paused, Fatin had a point. “I’m just on call a lot.” Her skin prickled and she knew all too well that Shelby was just blatantly staring at her, her eyes boring into the side of her head. As soon as her head turned she regretted it, seeing the girl's knuckles white against the shot glass they clasped, mouth slightly open as she stared at her like she was trying to solve the puzzle that was Toni Shalifoe. </p>
<p>“Never have I ever wet myself IN ADULTHOOD.” </p>
<p>She met Leah’s all-knowing smirk with a face that said <em>I will fuck you up,</em> before taking a shot. </p>
<p>“Oh hell no I need to hear this.” Rachel paused, waiting for an explanation. </p>
<p>“Toni got super drunk at a frat party... like boy was she fucked.” Leah laughed. “She really had to pee and we spent like forty minutes waiting because some ass was doing coke in the bathroom,” Toni stared at the floor, ignoring her rising blush that colored her cheeks. “So we decided to go behind the house but we didn’t quite make it.”</p>
<p>“I got like fifty percent of my pee on the lawn thank you.” </p>
<p>“And the other fifty?” Rachel taunted. </p>
<p>“Fuck off.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” Shelby raised her glass. “Never have I ever had sex outside.” </p>
<p>Everyone but Martha took a shot. “Why the hell have you never had sex outside?” Fatin countered. “It’s like so much fun?”</p>
<p>Shelby rolled her eyes. “Guess I’m missin’ out then.” </p>
<p>Toni did most certainly not imagine having sex with her outside at that moment. The shots were beginning to hit her head slightly and she found herself staring at Shelby’s chest. <em>Eyes up Shalifoe. </em>And yep, she had been caught. <em>Fuck. </em></p>
<p>“Never have I ever done drugs. Weed doesn’t count.” </p>
<p>Everyone took a shot but Martha and Shelby and Toni. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>“Right as thrilling as this is I want to watch a film then sleep.” Toni stretched out. </p>
<p>“You guys are boring as shit. It’s like you’re already eighty and ready to hit the fucking retirement home bitches.” Fatin swayed slightly as she spoke. </p>
<p>They pushed onto the sofas, Shelby staring at the lack of room for her.</p>
<p>“Toni barge the fuck up and make room for her you rude shit.” Dot simply raised a middle finger in response to her pissed-off huff. </p>
<p>She shuffled up, feeling shoulders squeeze in next to her before the blanket pulled up. </p>
<p>“What are we watching?” </p>
<p>“Toni’s choice.” Dot replied. </p>
<p>“Final Destination” </p>
<p>Shelby groaned beside her. </p>
<p>“It’s okay Angelica, you can hide behind the covers.” Toni whispered.</p>
<p>“Who the heck is Angelica?”</p>
<p>“You’ve never seen Rugrats?”</p>
<p>Another groan. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>Okay maybe this wasn’t the best choice of film. Halfway through Shelby had given up using the covers to hide and instead made a b-line for Toni’s chest, hiding her head in it. Her body frozen, she sat there, unmoving as another scream came and Shelby’s arm was around her waist. </p>
<p><br/>She met Dot’s humor with a fuck-off look. “This is what happens when you make Shelby watch horrors, she turns into a human koala.” </p>
<p>“Don’t most koalas have chlamydia?”</p>
<p>“Shut it.” Shelby mumbled, the vibrations of her lips making their way across Toni’s bare abdomen as she regretted wearing a sports bra.</p>
<p>The alcohol still made it hard to focus, she wasn’t even sure what the hell was happening in the movie. She was sure that Shelby’s hand was edging closer to her lower stomach so Toni crossed her legs tight and pulled her hand up, assuming she was unaware of just how close it was to her waistband. </p>
<p>Another scream and Shelby jumped so she pulled her arms around her, holding her tight like she would Martha as a teen when she would freak out with these things. </p>
<p>“Okay I vote we go to bed and clean this shit up tomorrow, I’m tired as hell.” Dot rose, stretching out and picking up her beer can to finish off whatever was left. Some things never changed. </p>
<p>The girls filtered out the room and out of the door leaving Shelby still very much in Toni’s arms. </p>
<p>“Are you going to move or am I fireman carrying your ass up the stairs Princess Dianna?” </p>
<p>Shelby yawned loudly, groaned, and went to move, freezing as her head stopped spinning. </p>
<p>“You know you’re kinda hot when you go full Chewbacca?”</p>
<p>For that Shelby smacked her. “Ouch, what the hell?”</p>
<p>“Toni someone punched you in the face earlier, that was a light pat.” </p>
<p>She rolled her eyes, standing before quickly lifting the blonde over her shoulder with ease. </p>
<p>“Toni! Put me the heck down!” </p>
<p>She complied dropping her at the end of the stairs, but then eyes were looking up searching her own, Shelby was swallowing, and fuck Toni was too drunk to make good decisions, instead leaning forward to meet Shelby’s lips with a surprised ‘oh’ from the blonde.</p>
<p>Toni walked her back, pulling her leg up when she made it to the wall, deepening the kiss. </p>
<p>“Could we uh, you know.” Shelby broke away momentarily. </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>Shelby may have been drunk but she was sober enough to look embarrassed to ask. “Can we have sex? I’m just really drunk and need someone to you know-” But she wasn’t all that drunk, sober enough to easily walk in a somewhat straight line. </p>
<p>“Fuck?”</p>
<p>Rolling her eyes she kissed Toni with more ferocity than before. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Toni separated from her like touching fire when she heard Dot’s door open. “Night hoes.” She called down the corridor. </p>
<p>“Night,” Toni replied, waiting for the door to shut again before lifting the blonde up and pressing her against the wall harder, eliciting a moan that she silenced with her mouth. “You need to be quiet though.”</p>
<p>Her chin bobbed against Toni’s, eyed dark as they sneaked up the stairs, hands frantically swiping at clothing before they fell onto the bed. </p>
<p>It was strange, certainly not like the first night they came home. Sex twice made things weird, not a pattern, but weird nonetheless. </p>
<p>“I can hear you thinking.” Shelby pulled her hair out from the ponytail it had been sat in. “Don’t worry I know this isn’t anythin’, I just want to have sex and we’re both doing nothin’ else so,” </p>
<p>Toni nods, happy they’re on the same page before pulling Shelby’s bra off and bringing a nipple into her mouth. Moans sounded the air and she hastened to put a hand over her mouth, eyes wide as they listened for anyone. Nothing came but then Shelby was crawling down her body. </p>
<p>Flipping them before she had the chance Toni stared down at the blonde. “Toni.” </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>Shelby pulled lightly at her waistband. “I came six times last night. I think I’m meant to return the favor at least once.”</p>
<p>Stalling she placed a hand on Shelby’s wrist. “It’s fine, I’m good.” She wasn’t good, in all truth Toni craved touch at that moment; sexual or not. There was something about the Texan that made her wish she could throw those walls down and for one moment just-</p>
<p>The blonde closed her eyes. “Please.” When she opened them they watched on almost consumed by black. “I really want to taste you.” </p>
<p>Though she hadn’t actually let anyone touch her in God knows how long she was now weak in the arms of the blonde who could say five words and send her entire body into meltdown. So quickly without hesitation, she nodded.</p>
<p>“Was that an okay? I can touch you?” </p>
<p>Toni nodded again, whispering out an ‘okay’ and smirking when Shelby just sat there. </p>
<p>Shelby grinned like she imagined most Christians would on Christmas or some present consumer holiday where they pretended it was 'all about God’. Her lips coming down to hurriedly move against her own, teeth nipping at her mouth. Toni leaned into it, wishing her arms had more feeling so she could take charge, instead she lay there like a fucking marshmallow as Shelby topped her, weak with slick heat. </p>
<p>Parting from her, she moved to take off Toni’s trousers, followed by her boxers, eyes roaming across the body she hadn’t fully seen the previous night. </p>
<p>“Are you gonna keep staring or are we having sex?” Toni’s voice broke slightly as she spoke. She was tired and hell she was turned on. </p>
<p>“You always have such a smart mouth,” </p>
<p>Toni went to bicker back, stopping before the words could form as fingers swiped through her, instead ending up a stuttering mess. </p>
<p>“You’re awfully wet for someone so angry.” </p>
<p>“God, stop talking and kiss me.” She hated to admit she actually enjoyed the kissing, but then again she also just really wanted to shut the Texan the hell up because fuck was she annoying. </p>
<p>“How many?”</p>
<p>“Two, or three. Either is fi-” She didn’t bother finishing the sentence, too busy thinking about the fingers Shelby had curled into her, eyes falling shut. </p>
<p>But then all too soon they were gone, her eyes opening to witness the blonde pulling them up to her mouth. She was fairly sure death was on the horizon at that moment, forehead creased as she tried to hold it the fuck together. Shelby simply smiled before disappearing between her legs. </p>
<p>With that first swipe of her tongue, she thought maybe heaven did exist, purely in the form of Shelby’s mouth.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>That morning Toni had woken early enough to sneak down at the crack of piss dawn before the others awoke, though she was pretty sure she smelt like Shelby’s sheets still and needed to wash the smell of that perfume out of her hair, she couldn’t bring herself to do so. There was something about it that made her feel safe and at home. Something she would vehemently deny if cornered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>She's finally updating huh? Wild. My health had been non-compliant this week, so outside of work, I'm enjoying sleep. However, I am writing content still and updating where poss. Stay rad, hydrate, and find my gay ass on tumblr gay-art-vibes .</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Songs that inspired this chapter:<br/>Faded Love by Tinashe</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Brief kind of M/E rated moment (ish, not too in depth). Brief mentions of death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Toni POV</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>“Why the fuck is Shalifoe making breakfast?”</p>
<p>“If you keep being a shit you’re not getting any.”</p>
<p>“But you’re literally never up?”</p>
<p>Toni grinned at her and whisked the batter, in a freakishly good mood after the night before. </p>
<p>“Mornin’ girls.” Shelby wandered into the kitchen in pyjamas that had small wiener dogs all over them. She certainly didn’t think they were cute as hell and quickly moved her focus back to the batter. </p>
<p>Shelby’s brows raised slightly at the sight of the girl up and whipping batter but with a flash went back to that Texan smile as if the emotion was never there to begin with; leaving the brunette pondering if she had simply imagined the whole thing.</p>
<p>“Morning Halsey.” </p>
<p>“She’s not even blonde.” </p>
<p>“Sometimes she is.”</p>
<p>“Toni’s been replaced by a clone and is making food.” </p>
<p>“That’s it, you’re not getting any Jadmani.” </p>
<p>“Toni, did I forget to mention that I love you? It just came over me this morning, thinking bout those arms, OH TONI.” </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up Fatin.” She flicked a bit of batter at her face. </p>
<p>“Ugh go back to LA I’m bored of you whore.” </p>
<p>“You love my ass.” Toni winked at her, pouring the batter into the pan. </p>
<p><br/>Passing a plate to Shelby she watched as she paused, fork hovering above the food. “You made smiley face pancakes?” </p>
<p>Fatin chews on her mouthful. “It’s the only kind of pancakes Toni makes, however, she normally only fucking makes them on my birthday so make the most of this shit. Fuck they’re good, me and Leah might be looking to add to our relationship if you keep making these Shalifoe.”</p>
<p>“Wow.” Shelby tried a bite, smiling as it hit her mouth. “She must be feeling really great today then.” </p>
<p>Toni didn’t miss it, and now knew she hadn’t imagined it at all. The slight lilt to her voice and smug turn of her mouth. And by the way Fatin’s eyes flicked curiously between them; she didn’t either. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Toni made an effort to avoid the blonde until Christmas day swung around, it was around that point things began to crumble once again, breaking away before they even began to form.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>Waking up to Martha jumping on her in Grinch pyjamas, was a tradition she had missed greatly over the years; even if she would never care to admit that. Hands pushed an identical pair into her hands that she then pulled on, pulling a grimace of protest that Marty knew was false. Twinning pyjamas with Martha was the one redeeming aspect of this godforsaken holiday.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fucking colonizer holidays.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shelby! Toni’s making waffles!” </p>
<p>The Texan’s jaw steeled, clearly not impressed with the days of ghosting Toni had committed to, or then again, perhaps her personality was finally starting to grate on her. Though she was unsure which of the two was more responsible she knew both had probably played their part, slowly wearing Shelby down until she reached a state of eternal cranky and completely, utterly pissed. </p>
<p>“Morning Brittany Snow.” </p>
<p>Eyes finally moved from Fatin, slowly dragging across her body and widening as she took in the unexpected pyjamas. </p>
<p>“Oh, so we’re onto seasonal reference's now? Cute pyjamas short stack.” Though her voice still held that spring in its step, her jaw seemed to only clench further.</p>
<p>“I am not short.” Placing the waffles down Fatin grinned up at her.</p>
<p>“Do you know how much we’ve missed Shalifoe Christmas breakfasts in this household?”</p>
<p>“I know you missed me.”</p>
<p>“Oh no not you. The waffles bitch.” </p>
<p>Toni gawked at the girl who was smiling around a mouthful, feeding Leah beside her like the sickly ass couple they were. At least they were vaguely cute with it. </p>
<p>“Here.” Dropping a plate in front of Shelby she tried to pull herself out of green eyes that hit her in all the right places, long since dormant and lost to memories of Regan. Instead, she found herself staring as she cooked, eyes drawn to her mouth, her flannel shirt and beanie because she couldn’t weather Minnesota winters, the way she met her gaze with a furrowed brow or something else Toni couldn’t quite place. Though she didn't mention it the Texan definitely noted how her gaze suddenly never left her body that morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right my dudes,” Dot slammed her hands on the dining room table, marking her entrance with a loud thud. “Hurry the fuck up and eat we have tasks to clear! Fatin you and Leah are on indoor decorations, Martha and Rachel and Nora you bitches are cooking with me. Toni and Shelby outdoor decorations!” </p>
<p>“Isn’t it Christmas day? We’re meant to chill.”</p>
<p>“Well, you dipshits didn’t get this sorted when I asked so we’re doing it all today and no we are not opening the damn presents UNTIL it’s done.” She clapped her hands together. “Chop chop mother fuckers.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kristen Bell your hand is literally up my ass.”</p>
<p>“Toni cut it the heck out with the stupid Christmas names. My hand is supporting you so you don’t fall and crack your head open n’ all.” </p>
<p>She shifted feeling the blonde's hand most definitely slipping up her crack. “Charlie’s Angel, your digits are incredibly close to penetrating the wrong fucking hole. If you want to support me move it forward a few inches so I can at least enjoy it.”</p>
<p>The hand whipped away from her ass. “Happy now?” </p>
<p>Chuckling at the girl with arms crossed against her chest in slight rage Toni lifted the last garland, reaching slightly too far to put it in place as the ladder shifted beneath her, foot catching on the step as she plummeted to the ground below. </p>
<p>“Shit, Toni!” Fingers ran over her temple and she groaned at the pain. “Don’t move you could have broken something.” </p>
<p>“I’m fine.” She sat up to the pounding in her head, then leaned over; throwing up into the bush beside her.</p>
<p>Fine was a greatly debatable statement choice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>“Shit what happened to you?” Dot looked up from where she was stood, frantically peeling carrots, dropping the peeler to the table. </p>
<p>Her head rested on Shelby’s shoulder. She always smelt sweet, like vanilla and everything so entirely intoxicating. </p>
<p>“She fell off the ladder. The garlands are up but Im’a lay her down on the bed for a bit. Nothing seems to be broken but I think she has a concussion.” </p>
<p>As if on cue Toni threw up on the floor by their feet. Nice one Shalifoe.</p>
<p>“Oh fuck not the floor dude! Get her to the damn room Fatin can clear that up.”</p>
<p>“Am I fuck?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After clearing out the morning waffles in the adjoining toilet Toni groaned, brushing her teeth at least four times. “I’m gonna shower then I’ll be fine.” </p>
<p>“Toni you can barely stand up.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Toni could stand fine but Shelby had a love for dramatics, after throwing up she felt pretty much like her normal self again.</p>
<p>“Let me help you at least we don’t need another fricken injury on Christmas.”</p>
<p>She smiled, smug. “You just wanna see me naked.” </p>
<p>Shelby slapped her shoulder, helping her peel off her pyjama top. “I hate to break it to you but I’ve already seen every inch of you.” </p>
<p>Hands peeled her underwear off then Shelby began to pull her own top off.</p>
<p>“Getting naked too Texas? You know you only have to ask.”</p>
<p>“I’m not getting my clothing wet Toni.” </p>
<p>“Mmmhmm.” </p>
<p>“You know you sound like an idiot right? That concussion doesn’t seem great. We may have to drag your ass to the hospital later.”</p>
<p>Her body visibly stilled. “I’m fine.” She stood tall as if trying to prove sobriety or some shit. “I don’t need to go to the hospital.” She didn’t; Toni had been here before concussion-wise, she played college basketball after all. The dizziness was already passing and she genuinely felt fine except for that.</p>
<p>“The big bad Toni Shalifoe is scared of hospitals ay?” Shelby turned the shower on, freezing when she realised the joke had fallen flat, Toni’s jaw clenching slightly. </p>
<p>“I haven’t been there since my ma died.” She stepped into the water spray, pulling her hair out of the ponytail Shelby had placed it in while she threw up earlier.</p>
<p>“Oh,”</p>
<p>“You coming in?”</p>
<p>Hands stilled her back, holding her up then moving to grab the shampoo. </p>
<p>“I can wash my hair myself.” </p>
<p>Yet as Shelby’s hands softly moved the shampoo around her scalp, she lost the will to bicker. Instead leaning into her touch and wincing slightly as she hit the spot she’d collided to the ground with. </p>
<p>“Sorry.” </p>
<p>“It’s okay.”</p>
<p>It was domestic, too domestic. She hummed contently as fingers continued to work through her hair, gently as if she were made of glass. It was a level of care and closeness that she was not accustomed to. So something rose and simply sat, heavy in her chest as her eyes glassed over; suddenly very happy to be saved from humiliation by the water that fell over her face; shielding any and all emotion.</p>
<p>Toni turned as she rinsed the hair products out, hand resting on the blonde's bare hips for support; not that she actually needed any, more so remaining there out of the comfort of the contact. Eyes lingered on hers and she swallowed, quickly closing the gap before she could overthink it, wanting every inch of her skin consumed by the soft touches of Shelby Goodkind. </p>
<p>Shelby tasted like cinnamon cookies, the ones Dot had told them not to touch. Her tongue quickly broke through between their lips and Toni was suddenly glad she brushed her teeth five hundred times before this. Moving her hand to palm her breast, Shelby’s dropped between her legs in response and she moaned, falling into it momentarily before pushing it out of the way and switching their positions. “You’re not topping me again Holly Willoughby.”</p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p>“It’s a British reference.”</p>
<p>“Getting desperate for Christmas name puns huh? And no we’re not doing this, I’m pretty sure sex isn’t great for concussion.” But then Shelby pulled her hand away, instead moving to simply kiss her, chaste and slow with a little more emotion than Toni could handle.</p>
<p>“Can we go to the bed before I fall over? I don’t know what you learnt in school but orgasms are actually great pain relief.”</p>
<p>
  <em>So much for keeping distance Shalifoe.</em>
</p>
<p>Distance was greatly overrated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>Shelby towled her down when she was out of the shower. It was a weirdly intimate act that Toni would hours from now attempt to pretend didn’t happen, but as the soft material ran up and down her limbs she sighed; utterly content for all but a moment. The same way she would pretend she didn’t help her walking to the bed, or tell her to lay still because Shelby seemingly thought she was on the brink of death, ever the over dramatic drama queen. </p>
<p>Toni would pretend Shelby’s lips weren’t on her exactly where she wanted them, soft and all-knowing, and that her thighs weren’t wrapped around the blondes head when-</p>
<p>“What the fuck?” Fatin stood in the doorway, watching Shelby trapped between the vice that was the brunette's legs. “Concussion my ass. Was that seriously an excuse to come up and fuck?” </p>
<p>“Fatin what are you-” Leah pulled a hand over her eyes, squealing. A complete parallel to her partner who was stood openly gawking at the couple. “Oh fuck no. Guys?”</p>
<p>Shelby pulled a cover over them having finally freed herself from the Chinese finger trap that was Toni’s limbs. </p>
<p>“She seriously does have a concussion.” </p>
<p>“Well, nurse Shelby you’re taking excellent care. You know now that I think of it I have a concussion too-” Fatin yelped as Leah hit her. </p>
<p>“Can you please just close the fucking door Fatin?” Toni curled her fist under the blanket, ignoring how her stomach fluttered when Shelby covered it with her own, intertwining their hands out of view of the others. </p>
<p>“You know I knew you guys had been fucking.” Fatin stilled. “Wait shit was Toni who made you came six times the night we were at the club?” </p>
<p>Shelby pinched Toni’s arm when she smiled; clearly proud of herself. </p>
<p>“And the tables seemed to have turned because who knew Miss Shelby Goodkind could top the big bad Toni Shalifoe?”</p>
<p>The smile quickly fell as she moved to pelt Fatin with one of the many cushions Shelby had. “Just don’t fucking tell anyone Fatin.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I won’t.” </p>
<p>Secrets rarely stayed so when entrusted with Fatin Jadmani.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm still not great health wise but aiming to update all of my multi-chapter The Wilds fics this week, so stay tuned ma dudes. I am currently trying to figure out where to watch Naked and Afraid in the U.K. to keep lockdown intriguing. Stay rad, and find my ass on tumblr gay-art-vibes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Convinience. Right?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: Some smut, not hugely descriptive but there. </p>
<p>Songs that inspired this chapter: <br/>Into You by Ariana Grande.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Toni POV</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re fucking?” Dot gazed between the pair incredulously. </p>
<p>Fatin had kept their secret for a whopping twelve hours, dropping the news- subtle as a bomb- over morning bagels. <em>Fucking predictable the loose lips of the gossip queen Jadmani.</em></p>
<p>Toni choked on her cream cheese and moved her stare to Shelby whose eyes were as wide as Bambi on ice. </p>
<p>“Uh-”</p>
<p>“I can’t believe this, things were going so well then you two fuck once and now everything is gonna go to shit!” Rachel dropped her bagel on the worktop, arms flailing in the air. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t just once.” Fatin added as if trying to rectify the situation and instead digging their graves a solid foot deeper. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t once?” Martha now chimed in, raising a brow in an insinuating way that made Toni’s blood run cold. </p>
<p>“Um, no?” She chewed on the word like a question as she looked to the blonde for some if any help in this situation what-so-fucking-ever. It was a lost cause.</p>
<p>“Guys please just drop it.” Shelby stirred her coffee with a fork as if her mind was stuck in the middle of nowhere. </p>
<p>“Drop it? We want details. Positions. Orgasm data. Your favorite Twilight character and your choice of takeout so we can run your Buzzfeed compatibility quizzes.”</p>
<p>Groaning the girl ran a hand through her hair. “Dang it, we are not discussin’ this with y’all. We were horny, we were single and shit happened. And yes it happened a few times because the sex was good and what else is there to do over the holidays?”</p>
<p>Toni knew she probably shouldn’t be offended by that. <em>That was just what it was right? A hookup. Meaningless and fleeting. Totally meaningless. Nothing. No emotion there whatsoever.</em></p>
<p>So why the fuck was her stomach clenching like she’d just been stabbed?</p>
<p>“<em>Right</em>.” Toni pushed the bagel back into her mouth even though her stomach protested. </p>
<p>Fatin’s eyes narrowed at her momentarily, just for a mere second before anyone could notice. But Toni did. She noted the sudden raise of her eyebrows after like she was just figuring something out; figuring her out. It made the brunette squirm like she was being questioned on some foreign island they were being held hostage on. </p>
<p>“Right.” The Texan beamed and turned to move away. </p>
<p>“Shelby, you and Toni are on shopping duty today.” Dot pointed at the rocks with their names on. </p>
<p>“Yeah and no fucking in the fruit aisle it has CCTV.” Fatin added. </p>
<p>Leah paused at the laughter. “She’s not joking, it really does. The dairy aisle is all good though, at the back by the hemp milk. No one’s stealing that shit, everyone knows oat and almond is where it’s at.” </p>
<p>Toni’s jaw hung slack as she looked between the pair. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>The ride there was weird as shit; not due to awkwardness or any absence of speech, but because Shelby was talking at her. Acting like they were just great friends and this morning hadn’t occurred. Her voice was higher pitched than normal and her grin reached her eyes as she gossiped animatedly about some country singer Toni had never heard of. They didn’t gossip, to be frank, they rarely held a conversation more than four words unless Toni’s fingers were in her, and even then it was mostly just directional banter.</p>
<p>“So what’s on the shoppin’ list?” </p>
<p>Momentarily struck by how domestic this was, she paused, but then Shelby was here acting like they were fricken gal pals and it pissed her the fuck off. </p>
<p>“Vegetables, pasta, bread, chips the basics.” She continued to look out the window, avoiding the discomfort of eye contact with her newly acquired ‘gal pal’.<br/> <br/>“You could sound a bit more interested, you know.” </p>
<p>“Sure thing Bridgit Mendler.” </p>
<p>“Oh really? We’re back to that?” Shelby pulled into the space (<em>Fuck she was awful at parking, the girl had taken up a minimum of two spaces.</em>)</p>
<p>“Whatever Texas, let's just get the food huh?” It was a cheap shot, but Toni was done with today since that knife got wedged in her stomach over breakfast. Was she petty? <em>Of course</em>. Did she care to stop being petty? No, Toni would milk every second of Shelby’s rage. </p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>If Shelby’s huff wasn’t enough to key her in to the fact she’d succeeded in pissing the Texan off, the harsh and loud slam of the car door sure the hell was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can you just put the fricken dinosaur pasta down and grab the macaroni? You’re not a dang child.” Shelby’s hands clenched the bar of the cart like her life depended on it. </p>
<p>Toni however, quite enjoyed the rage. It was sure as fuck better than the ‘gal pal we’re friends’ shit. </p>
<p>“I’m comparing shapes Brittany from Glee, and dinosaur pasta is ageless.” She held the two bags up. “See this bag has T-Rex shapes, whereas this bag had cartoon style Barney the Dinosaur shapes. It’s a big toss-up here. Hard choices.” </p>
<p>Shelby grabbed them both from her hands, throwing them into the trolley along with a bag of macaroni. “What’s next?” </p>
<p>“Jeez, you need to find a way to chill, Texas.” Toni smiled at her, smug as the girl's face reached a deeper shade of red than she previously thought possible. </p>
<p><br/>“Right do we want big or small carrots?” </p>
<p>The girl groaned loudly. “Just fricken carrots! I don’t give a frick.” </p>
<p>“That was a whole lot of ‘fricks’ there blondie. You doing okay?” </p>
<p>“Just grab the dang-”</p>
<p>“Shelby?” </p>
<p>The blonde hardened at the voice, face contorted as a cute brunette approached behind her. </p>
<p>“Miranda.” </p>
<p>“Long time no see.” A girl with short blonde hair approached next, wrapping her arms around the brunette and nuzzling into her neck. Shelby seemed to look anywhere but at them.</p>
<p>“Um, yeah.” </p>
<p>“This is my girlfriend Ashley. Ash this is my ex I told you about, you know the one from church.” </p>
<p>The girlfriend looked from Shelby’s toes to her head, scanning her before laughing gently. “Ahh yeah. Nice to put a face to the stories.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Stories? </em>
</p>
<p>Arms crossed against Shelby’s chest in defense, her entire body rigid. </p>
<p>“You shop here now?” </p>
<p>Miranda laughed, placing a bag of potatoes in her cart. “Not usually, Ashley’s parents are still here so we come back occasionally. Surprised you’re still here, not really much around you know.” </p>
<p>“I uh-”</p>
<p>“I figured you’d be off with some guy by now.”</p>
<p>Shelby laughed bitterly and all Toni could do is try to figure out what the fuck was happening. </p>
<p>“I’m still gay.” </p>
<p>It was Miranda’s turn to laugh. “I mean you say that, but you used to refuse to go to gay bars, to hold my hand, like let's be honest you’re definitely ending up alone or with a man, maybe five kids and a live, laugh, love sign.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry did you just come up to us to be a fucking douche?” Toni was just as surprised as the others that the words had left her mouth. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, who are you?” </p>
<p><em>Well, may as well commit to it right?</em> Toni draped an arm across Shelby’s shoulders. “I’m her girlfriend.” She grinned that smug, cocky grin she had mastered over the years.</p>
<p>Though Shelby was surprised her shoulders visibly relaxed under the weight of her arm. </p>
<p>“Yeah right.” </p>
<p>“No, really. This is my girlfriend. Toni.” </p>
<p>As if to sell it Shelby pulled her in for a kiss that may have started innocent but ended up with wandering hands, not at all appropriate for a vegetable aisle. “If you don’t mind we have to go do anything but speak to yourselves. Happy fucking holidays.” Toni pulled both the cart and the girl away.</p>
<p>“That was kinda hot.” Shelby muttered, unloading the bags before gripping Toni and pulling her in for another slightly flustered kiss. </p>
<p>“Anything to fuck off some dick heads.” Toni grinned. Lifting Shelby onto the boot as hands wandered up to her thighs. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were about halfway home when Shelby pulled off-road into a wooded area. </p>
<p>“Look if you want to murder me Texas-”</p>
<p>Then lips were smothering her words, hot and heavy as the blonde swung to straddle her. “I needed to thank you for earlier. Miranda is kind of a dick. It didn’t end particularly great.” </p>
<p>“Listen, if I had known I’d get straddled for defending your honor I’d have done it way sooner.” Toni ran her palms up the bare skin of Shelby’s thighs, landing just above her skirt line. </p>
<p>“Just shut up and kiss me.” </p>
<p>“Okay, Jamie Lynn Sp-”</p>
<p>Hands grabbed at her hair and hips ground down against her. “Oh fuck.” </p>
<p>“What are we doing Toni?” But then Shelby was undoing the button to her fly and God she could barely form words. </p>
<p>“As you said earlier, it’s just sex, right? Convenience.” </p>
<p>She sunk her own fingers into the blonde who groaned slightly. “Yeah, convenience.” Shelby echoed back, her words hollow as she let her mind drift instead to the feeling of the girl beneath her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>As they unpacked the groceries, the taste of Shelby still remained on her lips. Her heart pounded in her chest making her wanted to vomit at the mere thought. Convenience. Whatever the fuck this was, was far from fucking convenience. It was pain, and angst and wanting; fuck, so much wanting and Toni couldn’t let herself want again. Yet as she watched Shelby checking all the eggs methodically, whispering to one as she put it back like a strange ass girl, she realized yeah. It was far too late. Toni had long since surpassed wanting, and Shelby now was a need. An ever-present, heart-wrenching need. </p>
<p>Not an ideal predicament for a fuck buddy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Friends with benefits. That’s what this was, right? Though the friends part was highly debatable.</p>
<p>They sat watching the film, Shelby curled up into her side, her fingertips trailing Toni’s abs. </p>
<p>“You two seem very clingy.” </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up Fatin.” Toni threw a handful of popcorn at her. </p>
<p>“Hey stop leaving food around for the doggo, he’s getting hefty.” Dot pointed a finger at the dog whose neck was lost to his ever continuing back fat. </p>
<p>“He’s happy.” Fatin countered. </p>
<p>“He’s diabetic.” Dot added, raising a brow. </p>
<p>“Fuck, fine.” </p>
<p><br/>Toni smiled at the pair, her grin faltering as Shelby’s fingers laced through her own, the girl's breath warm on her neck as she laughed at the screen. </p>
<p>This was totally normal, right? </p>
<p>So she tightened her hold on the girl's hand under the blanket, pulling it up to rest a little higher as she shifted to get comfortable. Shelby’s elbows were bony as shit, yet she couldn’t bring herself to lose the contact. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>After the film they remained there for a while, wordless as the other girls got into their beds, then a hand was pulling at hers up the stairs and towards her old bedroom. </p>
<p>“You can borrow a shirt, top draw.” Was all Shelby said before heading into the bathroom. </p>
<p>So Toni scanned through and grabbed a shirt, one with some Texas football team logo adorning the front. God, she felt like a fuckboy wearing it.</p>
<p>Then Shelby was back, pushing her onto the bed, gaze appraising her in her clothing.</p>
<p>“I never got to properly thank you earlier.” Then her head was dropping between her legs, their hands laced again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What the fuck was this?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've actually finished this, we have two more chapters to go and I'm hoping to post every couple of days. Kinda toying with doing an epilogue for this too later on so we'll see! Find me on Tumblr @ gay-art-vibes , my other SM are linked in my Tumblr bio. Stay rad, hydrate, and what not.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Holy Fucking Shit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: This chapter contains mentions of homophobia, physical abuse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Shelby POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Shelby woke to the absence of the girl in her bed but the nearby sound of the shower running. She stared at her alarm clock, sighing at the fact it was only five and Toni was up; which was kind of fricken weird as ten was normally considered an early rise for the brunette. </p><p>At some point, she must have fallen back to sleep because the next time she awoke it was to wet feet padding along the floor. </p><p>“Toni it’s early as shit come back to bed.” She froze at her own words, did friends who have sex ask each other to come back to bed? Was that okay… Or was that a couple thing?</p><p>“Aren’t you normally telling me to get up earlier?” </p><p>“Not on a fricken weekend.” Her voice broke from sleep. </p><p>But then Toni was climbing back in and Shelby was pulling her in and wrapping her legs around her like a koala because it was cold as shit and Toni smelt so dang good. </p><p> </p><p>The third time she woke up it was to Dot yelling “Fuck.” And Fatin yelling, “You owe me five dollars bitch.” </p><p>And yes, everyone was staring in through the door frame at them. “Get the fuck out.” Toni grumbled, eyes narrowing in a way that sent the fear of God into all of them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Toni made pancakes again. No one said a thing or dared to mention it, but Shelby noticed. She noted Fatin’s questioning gaze and the way the smile on her pancakes was neater than everyone else's. She also noticed the way the muscles flexed in Toni’s tank top, accentuated by her LA tan that was slowly disappearing, and her back that led to that amazing ass-</p><p>Leah caught her staring and coughed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
After that Shelby noticed a lot more things about the girl. The way she moaned a little harder when she curled her fingers a certain way, the way Toni Shalifoe was definitely a bottom even though she gave off that hard ass vibe, the way she hid her emotions except for when she came and Shelby could read at least five on her face in ten seconds, and the way they were having way, way more fricken sex. </p><p>
  <em>But that was totally fine for fuck buddy’s, right? </em>
</p><p>They would share a bed because they would have sex in the night, then again in the morning; so it was time-saving to do so. They would shower together because they were both doing their part to save the Earth, and well…They may as well have sex while washing their hair right? Then again mid-day whenever the girls went out or they had five minutes in the kitchen free Shelby would push her up against the aisle and ignore the way Toni would immediately melt into her. Shelby felt fricken great. Perhaps she had never felt this good. Maybe it was sex euphoria, but she felt so damn great all the time in a constant state of post orgasmic bliss. It was most definitely a feeling she leaned into, letting it warm every inch of her being.</p><p>But outside of that, they didn’t speak, except for Toni calling her every blonde’s name under the sun and for her to bite back. </p><p>
  <em>And they certainly didn’t do emotions. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Toni answer your damn phone.” Fatin groaned around the pancakes Toni seemed to now be making daily. </p><p>“Fine.” Toni went to grab her phone, then, after realising it wasn’t emanating from the device in her palm, fumbled through her jacket pocket. </p><p>“You good?” Shelby questioned. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s my work phone.”</p><p>“Aren’t you like on holiday or some shit still?” Fatin added.</p><p>“I took an extension, yes.” </p><p>“Then why are they-” </p><p>Toni’s face drained of colour as she looked at the caller ID, pulling her jacket on as she answered and walked with haste out the door. </p><p>“That was weird right?” Shelby looked at all the girls. </p><p>“It’s probably one of Toni’s cases. She doesn’t take on too many in the position she’s in now, but she still has an awful lot of kids who only trust her to sort shit. They get Toni and Toni gets them.” Martha prodded at her food. </p><p>When the brunette re-entered she was visibly paler. </p><p>“Hey, can someone give me a ride?” </p><p>“Where to?” Leah questioned. </p><p>“I need to go to work for a bit.” </p><p>“We can’t drive you to LA.” Fatin mocked.</p><p>“No, it’s the office downtown.” </p><p>“There’s a fucking office downtown and you’re living in LA?” Dot scolded. </p><p>“It’s new. Can someone just fucking drive me or do I need to get an Uber? “ </p><p>“I’ll drive.” Shelby grabbed her keys and her coat. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
“Thank you, for driving me and all.” </p><p>Shelby pulled into the car park of the huge building with SAFEPLACE written in a rainbow scroll across the front. </p><p>“You can come in it’s too cold to stay in the car. There’s a coffee place somewhere in here, apparently.” </p><p>She followed in Toni’s trail to the front desk. “Toni Shalifoe, I called ahead-” </p><p>“Yes Miss Shalifoe, if you need anything we can have a support team assigned to you for future use. For now, you have our temp assistant, with the short notice it’s all we can offer assistance wise right now.” </p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>“No problem, you have an office room on the top floor, here’s your key card.” </p><p>“Thanks.” Toni was turning so she followed again, kind of like a lost puppy in the trail of the hurricane that was the girl.</p><p>“You uh, you’re kind of big here huh?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You have an assistant.”</p><p>“I get busy. Coffee is there Texas, I’ll be five minutes, I just need to make a call then I’ll come to find you, okay?”</p><p>"Okay." Shelby Smiled, liking the way the brunette held her stare momentarily, luling herself into the security it seemed to offer.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Shelby sat for at least thirty minutes before Toni appeared looking angry as shit. </p><p>“Sorry, took a short while longer than I thought.” </p><p>Toni’s hands were tensed in fists at her sides. “Thank you for your help.” She handed the key card back to the assistant at the front desk. “Could I get a prepaid phone sent out to this address, it needs thirty dollars on it, also a change of clothes, I’ve written down sizes, and a hygiene pack.” </p><p>“I’ll get that sorted for you now, Miss Shalifoe.”</p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>Then Toni was walking back to the car and slamming the door behind her, hands raking through her hair as her head lay in her palms. </p><p>“You okay Toni?” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“You sure?” Shelby pushed Toni’s hair back, tucking it behind her ears.</p><p>“No.” Toni took a breath. “Fuck.” Then another. “Why do people have to be such fucking pricks?” </p><p>Shelby had no idea what was going on in her head so she simply laced their hands together as they’d become accustomed to. </p><p>“What happened?” </p><p>“I love my job, it’s just, it’s a lot sometimes. One of the kids I’m on the case for came out to his parents. We tried to advise him it wasn’t wrong to want to stay in the closet if he felt unsafe but his boyfriend wanted him out which I get but-” She took a shuddering breath as her eyes settled on the dash. “His dad beat him up, like badly, he’s in hospital and I’m trying to arrange a temporary safe place but it’s so fucked like who the hell does that to their kid?” </p><p>Shelby pulled her in for a tight hug, feeling tears hot on the back of her shoulder. “My dad. I mean, he only hit me once when he caught me making out with a friend but some people are just built that way. Too lost in their own arrogance and ignorance to care for anyone or anything.”</p><p>Toni’s hand tightened in her own. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that Shelby.” </p><p>“We’re all dealt a hand one way or another in life, right?” She pulled away and wiped at Toni’s tears with her thumbs. “Do you have half an hour free?” </p><p>“Yeah, why?” </p><p>She kissed her forehead, ignoring how she probably wasn’t meant to do anything like that because they aren’t a couple. “Because Toni, ice cream makes even the crappest days better.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
After grabbing ice cream Shelby drove them home where they entered the house, Toni immediately walking up the stairs after everyone’s gazes stilled on her mascara that had run down her face because apparently, Shelby wasn’t the only one who hardly ever saw Toni Shalifoe cry. </p><p>When she got upstairs Toni was curled into a ball on her bed, so she shut the door behind her, grabbing her softest pair of sweats- that yes were hot pink with hearts on but Toni didn’t seem like she’d care right now- before moving back to the bed. </p><p>“Toni lift your arms up.” </p><p>The girl complied and she took her vest off, replacing it with the fluffy sweater then moved to change her jeans to the sweatpants. </p><p>“These are awfully fucking pink Shelbs.” </p><p>Her heart leapt slightly at the nickname she rarely spoke any time outside of sex. “They’re also incredibly warm and fluffy.” </p><p>“They are kinda soft, but I do feel like a Victoria’s Secret Easter bunny.” </p><p>"Yeah, that's entirely my aesthetic."</p><p>Shelby pulled on her own pyjamas then turned on the TV in her room, it was mid-afternoon but what the heck, right? </p><p>“The TV gets shit reception up here so we’re stuck with DVD’s.” </p><p>She dropped a pile onto the bed. </p><p>“D.E.B.S? The L Word? This is an extremely retro lesbian film and T.V. collection here.” </p><p>Shelby slapped Toni’s shoulder and groaned. </p><p>“Jenny’s wedding? Why the fuck do you own that? It was like it was made for straight people, the only redeeming factor was Rory from Gilmore Girls in it, and even then it was a painful watch.” </p><p>“Yeah it was kind of crap.” </p><p>She pulled out ‘Imagine Me and You’ and passed it to her. “This is a classic though.” </p><p>After putting it on Shelby climbed under the covers and pretended not to acknowledge the fact Toni had crawled into her side, resting her head on her chest as their fingers laced together again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
By the time they watched three films Fatin called on them for dinner. </p><p>“What the fuck are you wearing Shalifoe?” Fatin laughed at the pink fluffy pyjamas that looked completely out of place on the likes of Toni. </p><p>“Fuck off, where’s the food?” </p><p>Toni sat down but Fatin walked over, grabbing Shelby’s arm and pulling her further away. “Is she okay?” </p><p>“Yeah, just a hard day at work.” </p><p>“And are you okay?” </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” </p><p>“Because you like Toni and she’s currently wearing your fluffy pyjamas after you spent all afternoon in bed not having sex because you two are loud as shit and I would know.” </p><p>“We just watched films, Fatin.” </p><p>She rose a brow. “Cut the shit, Goodkind. You like the big bad wolf over there don’t you?” </p><p>Worrying at her lip with her tooth, she watched Toni eating her food in the distance. “No.” </p><p>Fatin laughed and patted her shoulder. “You always were a shit liar, Shelby. Maybe just fucking tell her?” </p><p>It was there, brimming up at her gut with a painful twinge. “I can’t tell her. We’re just friends with benefits. That’s all. I can’t be tellin’ her I like her it’ll mess things up dang it.” </p><p>“No, you two not talking about your emotions will mess shit up. You hold hands, sleep together every night in a literal sense, fuck like bunnies and stare at each other like you’re in love or some shi-”</p><p>Shelby gawked at her. “I am not, that.” But she seemed to question the words as she said them because Fatin caught it and looked at her with eyes that were about to fall out of her head. </p><p>“Holy shit.” </p><p>
  <em>She wasn’t. Couldn’t be. Fuck. No? Was she?</em>
</p><p>“Fatin don’t-”</p><p>“Holy fucking shit you love her?” It was a harsh whisper that luckily no one heard.</p><p>
  <em>And holy fucking shit, maybe she did.</em>
</p><p>Shelby couldn’t come back with some witty shit because she was too busy staring at Toni at the table with the girls in the distance with a weight heavy in her heart and holy fricken shit. She loved Toni Shalifoe. She loved the fricken rude girl from the airport who wouldn’t even use her name. </p><p>Well shit, this was a bigger catastrophe than the bible camp where Shelby had punched Andrew in the dick for taking the lords name in vain. </p><p>She loved Toni Shalifoe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okayyyy so far I have this finished at one more chapter, though I may edit that into a two-parter so it flows better (I'm yet to decide.) Hope you guys are having an awesome day ma dudes. Stay rad, I'm on tumblr @ Gay-art-vibes .</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Movie Debacle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: Smut (Ish?)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Shelby POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Have you told her yet?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, Fatin. I woke up this morning and told her I loved her whilst I was eating her out.” Shelby hit her shoulder as she deadpanned. “Now shut the heck up before someone hears you.”</p><p>“Okay but you need to tell her. That shit will eat you up, Goodkind.” </p><p>And it had been. It had only been one day and Shelby felt like an absolute heap of horse shit. The realisation had messed with her head to the point that when she was going down on Toni she had fricken cried between her legs and blamed the tears on fricken hayfever allergies. <em>In winter. </em></p><p>Toni was out of her pyjamas and in her football shirt when she came down the stairs, it probably shouldn’t leave Shelby’s chest contracting as it did, but there was that girl in her team jersey and God was she perfect. </p><p>“Hey, how are you doing today?”</p><p>“Okay, I have some work I need to do from here but can we maybe just have a film day again? I don’t feel like being around everyone today.” </p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>And it shouldn’t bother her because Toni is in need and low but all Shelby can think is how much it’s gonna hurt when the brunette is holding onto her and all she can think about is her dang unrequited love for her fuck buddy. Though she would happily lay there as the knife gradually dug deeper and deeper if it made Toni smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So that’s how they end up in bed again that afternoon surrounded by takeout bags from three different places. Neither could agree on one place and Shelby couldn't deal with the bickering today; succumbing to just please them both with a hefty fifty fricken dollar order. </p><p>“Shelby, can you pass me a soda?” </p><p>She held onto the cup as Toni sipped from the straw then placed it back on the cabinet. </p><p>Her hand trailed circles subconsciously on the skin of her back, feeling how little goosebumps followed in her fingers wake. It was infuriatingly couple-ish. </p><p>“Why are these films always so mushy?” Toni groaned at Shelby who was forcing her to watch some straight rom-com which to be fair <em>at least had Sandra Bullock in.</em></p><p>“It’s cute!” <em>It was cute.</em> Honestly, the film was one of Shelby’s favorites; she had a thing for those mushy love story films made in the early 2000s that just hit differently. The tacky comedy aspects and infuriating enemies to lovers trope that she was honestly a total slut for; living with those rose-tinted glasses that maybe one day she’d get her chance at a tacky perfect ending too.</p><p>“It’s just so unrealistic like you’re really going to go from hating each other to being in love like teens in some 3-day time span? So unrealistic like jeez. Plus they’re shit together, they should just stick to the sex.” </p><p><em>They should just stick to the sex.</em> Well, that sure as hell hurt.</p><p>“And what the hell is wrong with that?” </p><p>Toni sat up and took in the change of tone. “Jeez calm down I was just saying that-”</p><p>“That love is dumb right? That people can’t change?” </p><p>“No I-” </p><p>“Whatever Toni.” </p><p>And then Shelby was slamming the bathroom door and jeez she had really fucked up but hearing Toni say that had hit her harder than she cared to admit and <em>God why was she crying right now?</em></p><p>Shelby wiped furiously at the tears with the back of her hand as Toni banged on the door.</p><p>“Texas, unlock the door.” </p><p>“Leave me alone Toni.”</p><p>“Shelby, please?” </p><p>But she couldn’t. She couldn’t explain the tears or the rage so she sat on the bathroom floor crying like a fricken idiot. Everything was too damn much, Toni was too damn much. The steeled gaze and passive emotions, the disreagrd to the fact she was dying inside when the brunette laid her tongue against her because she knew at some point this would stop. She was a fleeting dream that the Texan could hold onto, for now, another month or so before she left again for LA leaving Shelby behind a complete fucking wreck. She couldn't handle it anymore; Shelby Goodkind was not built for love. It slowly ate at her being twisting her into this complete and utter fricken wreck.</p><p>“Shelby I’m coming in.” </p><p>Before she could reply Toni had somehow opened the door. </p><p>“The locks broke, you can open it from the outside.” </p><p>Toni dropped down onto the floor in front of her so their knees brushed but she kept her head wedged between her legs, arms wrapped around her knees like the tightness would somehow even out her breathing. </p><p>“What’s up Shelby?” </p><p>And there was the brunette, cool calm and collected as ever. She quickly changed her mind. She hated Toni using her name. It somehow wrenched like a pang to the gut with each syllable. </p><p>“Toni please just-”</p><p>“No, what’s wrong?” </p><p>She hiccuped and kept her head hidden. “We can't do this anymore Toni.” </p><p>“What?” This time the brunette's voice faltered; almost breaking around the word.</p><p>“This, us,” </p><p>“I know what you mean I just,” Toni sighed. “Why? Was it the names because I didn’t mean to piss you off that much I just have such a dumb sense of humor and I know I’m sarcastic as shit but-”</p><p>“No Toni, we can’t do this anymore because I,” Shelby was going to puke for sure. “I love you." Oh and there it fricken was. The cat was out of the God damn bag. "And I can’t keep doing this because it hurts Toni. It fucking hurts.” And it really did fucking hurt; like someone took a foot to her gut as nausea rose. She wasn't sure how she was still breathing at this point; it felt as if a weight entirely too heavy was wedged on her chest, constricting every breath and burning at her lungs like cigarettes. </p><p>The silence felt like it was eating her up, though she couldn’t see Toni’s face she could picture the fear, the panic, her brows knit together like she was summing up the best possible exit or diversion from whet ever this path was that they were sky-rocketing down without a seatbelt to save them. </p><p>She was rocking, but she wasn’t rocking herself. Toni had moved around the back of her and had her own arms wrapped around Shelby’s that were still around her knees. “How long have you felt like this?” </p><p>And Shelby couldn’t do this. Couldn’t sit here and do twenty questions so she stood. “Toni I can’t do-”</p><p>Then Toni was pushing her up against a wall, hard and sudden and kissing her. Kissing her mouth then her nose, her cheeks, her neck and it was smothering her. “Toni I can’t-”</p><p>But Toni stood back, and ran a shaky hand through her hair, swallowing hard.</p><p>"Toni I can't do this. I can't breathe around you okay? It fricken hurts. It hurts and I can't handle being near you and wanting to-"</p><p>“Shelby I think I love you too.” </p><p>And Toni’s eyes were wet and dark and gosh Shelby’s heart was pounding at her chest like a prisoner trying to escape from whatever the heck this was. </p><p>“What do you mean you think?”</p><p>Toni dropped her head. “I mean I know. I have known for a while I guess.” </p><p>Then Shelby was pushing Toni against a wall, dropping a hand between them so that her fingers could convey the emotions her mouth couldn’t right now because she still wasn’t sure what the hell was happening. </p><p>“Shelby,” Toni was rocking against her but then she was being picked up, her thighs in Toni’s palms before those toned arms dropped her on the bed. The brunette kissed her way down her body and God every inch of Shelby felt so fricken alive she wasn’t even sure what part of her body Toni’s mouth was on now. </p><p>"God your mouth is perfect." </p><p>Teeth pulled gently at the skin by her breast, teasing and playful as ever. It made her heart leap, knowing that she wanted this too. Though Shelby wasn't sure what this was, she felt safe and secure in every nip of Toni's teeth grazing against her skin, every caress of her palm on her hip as it dipped lower down her thigh. The love that radiated warmth through the tips of her fingers right into Shelby's core.</p><p>"Shelby you taste so fucking good."</p><p>“I like when you say my name.” </p><p>“Then you should listen to me saying it whilst I make you come."</p><p>“Fuck I’m gay.”</p><p>“I know that Shelby. Though making me watch that rom-com had me questioning-” </p><p>“Toni please just shut up and taste me.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Shelby poured a coffee. </p><p>“Can the two of you not be fuck buddy’s whilst we’re awake in the house?” </p><p>“We wern’t-” She paused seeing Fatin’s face that told her she had very much heard every moan. “Okay but-”</p><p>Toni walked into the kitchen, wrapping her arm around her. “Hey babe.” </p><p>“Babe? What. The. Fuck?” Fatin’s jaw dropped. Then she paused, realisation flooding her features. “You fucking told her?” </p><p>Shelby paused; fingers wrapped around the warmth of her coffee mug. “It may have come up.” </p><p>“Why are you two being all fucking lovey dovey in shared spaces?” Dot threw an apple at them. </p><p>“I’m allowed to hug my girlfriend.” </p><p>“I’m sorry your what the fuck now?” Dot gasped. “Don’t fuck with me like this.” </p><p>“Oh no she’s being totally honest.” Shelby kissed her cheek. </p><p>“Okay, but aren’t you meant to be flying back to LA tomorrow?” </p><p>Shelby froze in her arms because Toni hadn’t brought that up. She was leaving? Tomorrow?</p><p>“Yes,” </p><p>Shelby pulled away and looked at her, tears brimming in her eyes because she could do long distance but why the hell hadn’t Toni said anything?</p><p>“What the hell Toni?”</p><p>“Shelby.” Toni pulled her back in and huffed. “I’m here for a while longer. Last week I told my boss I’d be staying a while, so yes I am going back to work tomorrow,” Toni thumbed a tear away from her cheek. “But that will be under an hour's commute up the road from here.”</p><p>“Wait you’re staying?” Fatin’s brows rose.</p><p>“Yes. My boss asked me if I’d help set up the branch here, they’re new and need a director that knows the company already. So I’m here. ” </p><p>Shelby pulled Toni in and kissed her, probably with a bit more heat than needed because Fatin mumbled ‘Fuck now I’m horny.’</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” </p><p>“Legally blonde my head has been in between your legs for the past twenty-four hours.” </p><p>"Overshare." Dot murmured.</p><p>“You’ve used that one before.” She leant into the girl, arms travelling around her back.</p><p>“Fuck off.” Toni lifted her onto the counter. </p><p>“Fuck no, off the fucking counter we are having none of this shit in shared spaces.” Dot scolded. “I mean I’m glad you’re back but no y’all are not fucking on there.”</p><p>“Ugh, fine.” Toni pulled her off the counter. </p><p>“So where are you stayin’?” Shelby pulled at the neck of her shirt that Toni had seemingly stolen at this point. </p><p>“I know some dick heads with a couch.” </p><p>“Fuck you.” Dot yelled from the living room. </p><p>“Hm, I kind of know this one gal, has half a bed going spare.” </p><p>“Only half?” Toni chuckled. “I kinda spread out while I sleep.” </p><p>She laughed. “Oh believe me I know. Fricken flying squirrel limbs splaying out left right and center.” She took another breath. “So you’re staying?” </p><p>Toni nodded and kissed her neck. “Yeah, I guess I am for now, Cate Blanchette.”</p><p>
  <em>She was staying. With her, in her bed. Fuck lesbians move fast.</em>
</p><p>“You are so dang annoying.” </p><p>Hot breath tickled her neck as her girlfriend laughed against her. “Mm, I think that’s why you love me though.” </p><p>"It kinda is."</p><p>And it was. She could never deny it. In every stupid name and every bitter remark, in their hate that fueled their sex with one too many nights harshly battering Shelby's headboard. She loved Toni, drifting to that magnetic personality that was so fricken annoying; yet so utterly, confusingly perfect. </p><p>Toni was perfect. </p><p> </p><p>And she was hers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this one has been a long ass ride but I'm glad to have the final chapter up for you. I may be adding an epilogue later on as kinda enjoy doing future shorts but we shall see; for now, I have a Leatin piece in my head I seriously need to get down on my laptop. Thank you to all of you that comment or leave kudos, it's so awesome to hear from you guys this fandom is ace. Have a rad weekend, hydrate, and come send me prompts on tumblr @Gay-art-vibes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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